Weiß Kreuz Fairy Tales
by Exileian
Summary: Weiss and Schwarz take it upon themselves to write their own fanfiction. Pairings: As many as possible. Even ones you haven't heard of. Probably OOC, but we love that. Chapter 19 up: OMFG AN UPDATE :O ESCA! clapclap FLOW NE!
1. And so it begins

Weiß Kreuz Fairy Tales 

Written by Sakki-san 

Anything random in here probably belongs to me. I'm part of the not-well-known Crazy Troupe, and I have probably taken some random crap from them. 

Anything you have heard of in here doesn't belong to me. Characters, mostly. Ah, you know what's mine and what isn't. 

Neu-kitty is MY kitty. Hands off, Min. 

Aya: … 

Yohji: … 

Ken: … 

Omi: …? 

Yohji: Why are we here? 

Omi: I want to write. 

Ken: That's why we're here? 

Omi: No, the reason we're here is because the authoress put us here. 

Aya: Shi-ne Sakki. 

Yohji: We all want to kill her. 

Omi: I SAID, I want to WRITE. 

Ken: So go write. 

Omi: _! Help me write! I can't do this on my own! 

Nagi: I'll help you! 

Omi: Yay! 

Ken: Waitasec…if you're here…then – 

Schu: ^______^ Helloooo, Ken… 

Ken: GAAH 

Schu: *pout* You're not happy to see me? 

Ken: GOOD GOD NO 

Schu: …Aya! 

Aya: Shi-ne, Schuldich… 

Schu: Hm. Yohji?   
Yohji: ….Look, it's Crawford! 

Crawford: I DO NOT BELONG HERE. 

Schu: Sure ya do, Brad baby! 

Crawford: _ DO NOT CALL ME THAT. 

Yohji: Geeze, someone has PMS. 

Crawford: GRR. 

Farfie: o_O_o 

Omi: Uh…guys... 

All sans Omi and Nagi: *fight* 

Omi: …Nagi? 

Nagi: Just a sec.   
*BOOM* 

All: @_@ 

Omi: Thanks. Now who's going to help me write? 

Farfie: I BOUGHT THE BREAD, I PLANTED THE BREAD, I WATERED THE BREAD, I GREW THE BREAD, I PICKED THE BREAD, I BAKED THE BREAD, I DEEP FRYED THE BREAD, I CHIHUAHUAED THE BREAD, AND NOW I WILL EAT THE BREAD, AND I ASKED YOU IF YOU WANTED TO HELP ME WITH ANY OF THAT AND YOU DIDN'T, SO NOW I WILL EAT THE BREAD ALONE!!!   
Omi: O_O 

Nagi: O_O 

Schu: O_O 

Crawford: O_O 

Aya: o_o 

Yohji: o_O 

Ken: O_O 

Farfie: My bread hurts God. 

Omi: ….riiight. So…uh…once upon a time… 

Schu: There were two groups of assassins… 

Ken: This is a fairy tale, not a biography, baka. 

Schu: Who said I was writing a biography? 

Ken: … 

Omi: A-HEM...anyway…once upon a time, these two groups of assassins were… 

Aya: going to kill each other. 

Omi: o_o 

Crawford: I like it. 

Schu: Of course YOU do. 

Nagi: I don't! 

Yohji: So these two groups of assassins were going to kill each other, but on the team called… 

Farfie: We Hurt God 

Yohji: O_o…anyway, there was a really sexy blonde on that team. 

Omi: And a cute little computer-smart guy. 

Aya: Shi-ne all of you. 

Yohji: And the usual bloodthirsty vengeful redhead. 

Aya: HEY. 

Ken: …and the sane one. So the other team, called… 

Farfie: God Hurters 

Crawford: -_-;;; 

Ken: o_o;;; The other team had four members, too. 

Crawford: There was the spiffy leader, the alpha male, the one in the cool white Armani suit, who carried the gun. 

Yohji: ¬_¬ Trying to make up for something here, Brad? 

Crawford: *growl* 

Schu: And then there was the incredibly sexy red-haired German guy. 

Nagi: And the cute one that everybody loves. 

Schu: AKA the short one. 

Nagi: grrr…. 

Farfie: And the one who hurts God. 

Omi: Ok, so these two assassin groups were sent to kill each other by… 

Aya: Slicing each other into tiny pieces. 

Crawford: However, the only person who had a sword was the vengeful red-haired one on the We Hurt God assassin group. 

Nagi: So those of us who didn't have swords had to go looking for swords. 

Yohji: But I have sexy wire! 

Schu: Very, very sexy wire…*purr* 

Yohji: … 

Crawford: I decided that I could use my gun, and it didn't matter if the stupid red-haired vengeful guy on the other team wanted us to slice each other up, it's handier to use guns. 

Farfie: Those who live by the sword die by those who don't. 

Crawford: Precisely. 

Ken: Uh… 

Aya: Shi-ne, Brad. 

Crawford: DON'T CALL ME BRAD 

Schu: The REST of us, who went to go get swords, were getting bored, so I decided to go flirt with… 

Yohji: The sexy blonde guy. 

Schu: I like that. 

Omi: …so while we were walking, I stumbled upon a cache of – 

Farfie: Swords. 

Omi: Wow, you said something right for once. 

Farfie: Very rusty swords, perfect for causing large open wounds and infections and hepatitis B or whatever it is you get from stepping on rusty nails and thus hurting God a whole lot. 

All: ~_~;;; 

Nagi: So I floated the rusty swords up into the air, and then I used my telekinetic powers to make them not rusty anymore. 

Farfie: Damn. 

Omi: So I took the swords and we all headed back to where Aya was. 

Aya: Where I had cut up Brad because he didn't have a sword. 

Crawford: You have a sword and I have gun. So I shot Aya, and he fell over in a coma, just like his little sister. 

Aya: O_O 

Crawford: Hehehe. 

Aya: Shi-NE, Brad. 

Omi: Aya, you're in a coma. 

Aya: -_-…. 

Schu: So while Aya was in a coma, we arrived with our swords, and I saw Aya and laughed. 

Omi: You're mean. 

Schu: And I'm sexy. 

Yohji: Me too! 

Ken: … 

Crawford: Me, being the sane one, decided to leave. 

Ken: Let me come with you! 

Crawford: O_O 

Schu: O_O 

Yohji: *snickers* I KNEW you had thing for him, Ken... 

Ken: _!!! It's not like that! I want to get away from the insanity! I'm the sane one, too! 

Crawford: ….o_o…. 

Schu: ^_^ Sure, Ken, sure. Why don't you and Brad spend some alone time, then? 

Omi: So Crawford and Ken left, and the rest of us had swords but had to go find a cure for Aya's coma! 

Aya: -_- 

Crawford: _@_ Do NOT call me Brad, Schuldich. Fine, if you insist on coming. 

Ken: ~_~;;; 

Nagi: And those of us remaining had swords and went to go find the cure. 

Farfie: The cure for AIDS, which God had placed on the earth because he likes to watch us suffer, and made sure there was NO CURE WHATSOEVER! So I went out and I hurt God by finding the cure embedded in a large rock. 

Omi: ….huh? 

Farfie: The rock was black. 

Nagi: …uh…huh. 

Schu: So we took the cure for AIDS to the hospital, where we had left Aya, and then we went out and partied because we were rich. 

Aya: What about me?! 

Yohji: What about you? 

~FIN~ 


	2. ShiNE SAKKI!

  
  
Weiß Kreuz Fairy Tales 

Written by Sakki-san 

Uh…ya. I don't own Weiss. 

Aya: Shi-NE. 

Omi: Once upon a time… 

Yohji: Aya woke up from the coma we left him in last chapter. 

Schu: Dangit. Ah, I still get Yohji. And Aya. And Ken. And Crawford. And – 

Omi: You don't get ALL of us. 

Nagi: Yeah, Omi's mine! 

Omi: O_O 

Crawford: *sputters* WHAT?!! 

Nagi: ….

Omi: I didn't know you cared… 

Nagi: …Well, I do. You got a problem with that? 

Omi: No, in fact, I was waiting for you to say that! 

Crawford: God save us all. 

Farfie: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Schu: Once upon a time, I was a king! 

Aya: You? 

Schu: And I had this slave who's name was Aya. 

Aya: O_O! SHI-NE SCHULDICH!!! 

Yohji: ;-; What about ME? 

Schu: I'm getting to that. Anyway, I was this king, see? 

Crawford: No, I can't. You will not and never have been a king. 

Schu: Too bad. So I was taking a walk one day when I stumbled upon a poor, innocent little blonde boy who was curled up in a corner… 

Yohji: Of an alleyway. 

Schu: I decided that this cute little blonde was worthy of my attention, so I dragged him out of the sewer and dubbed him Yohji. 

Yohji: ^_^ 

Aya: -_- 

Crawford: God…. 

Farfie: Must die. 

Crawford: _! 

Schu: So I've got this little blonde slave and this little redheaded slave. I made the redhead go out and buy me my list of groceries.. 

Nagi: Which was two miles long. 

Schu: Three. 

Omi: Three and a half. The cute little… 

Nagi: computer… 

Schu: geek… 

Omi: HEY!!! He was sitting in a coffee shop when the redhead ran by… 

Crawford: Screaming about his love for… 

Schu: His master. 

Aya: No, I was screaming about my love for watching Schuldich burn and writhe and seethe 

Farfie: IN THE LAKE OF FIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

All: o_O 

Nagi: Erm…anyway…so the redhead ran to the grocery store and hid out in the produce section. 

Schu: Thanks for the tip. So I dragged my new little slave, Yohji, out with me, and as we made our way to the produce section, I passed by this lovely black haired guy. 

Crawford: Leave me out of this. 

Schu: No. I liked him so much that I… 

Omi: asked him for his… 

Nagi: e-mail. 

Schu: God, you two are such nerds. 

Farfie: So is God. 

Crawford: _! Stop saying God. 

Farfie: It hurts him. 

Crawford: _!!! Seeing as I didn't HAVE an e-mail, I just turned and walked away from… 

Yohji: The two sexy guys, who were trying to turn on the black haired guy… 

Aya: Who obviously had no interest in them and didn't know I had moved to another section of the 

Farfie: LAKE OF FIREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 

Crawford: in the middle of the grocery store. 

Schu: There's a lake of fire in the middle of the grocery store? 

Nagi: Apparently. 

Schu: I ran to the lake of fire that was in the middle of the grocery store and dragged the little redhead out of it. 

Aya: SHI-NE!!! 

Yohji: hehehe. 

Crawford: Seeing as the others had forgotten about him, the black haired man left the grocery store for something more refined… 

Omi: Like a theater. 

Crawford: Thank you. So I left. 

Schu: And I followed you, carrying rope. 

Crawford: And I got into my helicopter and flew away. 

Schu: Damn. Oh well, I still have these two to keep me company. 

Aya: SHI – NE, I SAY!!!!!!! 

Yohji: Shut up. 

Nagi: Wait a sec. 

Omi: What? 

Nagi: I have two questions. 

Schu: So? 

Nagi: Number one, what's the plot of this story? 

Yohji: There isn't one. 

Schu: Except that I get to sleep with you two. 

Aya: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Omi: o_o;;; The redhead freaked out and ran far, far away… 

Schu: Drat. 

Crawford: Nagi, what was your other question? 

Nagi: Number two. Where's Ken? 

*silence* 

Omi: I dunno. He hasn't had a line in this chapter yet. 

Schu: Farfie, do you know where Ken is? 

Farfie: I BAKED THE BREAD, I – 

Crawford: ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION 

Farfie: No. 

Schu: Are you sure? 

Farfie: No. 

Crawford: So why did you say you didn't know where Ken was?! 

Farfie: Because uncertainty hurts God. 

All: ~_~;;; 

Nagi: Answer the question outright, Farfie, or I'll take away your knives. 

Farfie: MY KNIVES!!!!! ;-; 

Crawford: So where's Ken? 

Farfie: ;-; 

Schu: Where's Ken? 

Farfie: ;-; 

Aya: SHI-NE!!! 

Farfie: He's tied up in his room. 

Aya: !!! Why is he there?!......and why is he missing his shirt and pants….  

Ken: heflfpf. 

Aya: … 

Crawford: Dammit, Farfie… 

Farfie: He looks cute that way. And it hurts God. 

Aya: … 

Nagi: ~_~; Go untie him, Farfie. 

Yohji: …Aya, why are you staring so intently in at Ken? 

Aya: ….*drool* 

Ken: o.o.... 

All sans Ken and Aya: o_O_o.... 

Schu: *peeps in* O_O DAMN. 

Crawford: What? 

Schu: ^_^ Hey Ken, do you know how hot you look like that? 

Ken: mffff!!! 

Schu: Looks like you'll have to be one of my slaves too. 

Ken: MFYAAAAGAGAFFF!!! 

Crawford: What happened?! 

Schu: o.o;;; Looks like Aya beat me to him. 

Omi: ew. 

Nagi: Can we at least start a proper story, even if it only lasts a few more lines? 

Crawford: Sadly, no. 

Sakki: I have guests so I have to get off. DAMN GUESTS. 

Aya: SHI-NE SAKKI!!! *charges* 

Sakki: GYAAAH 

~FIN~ 


	3. CinderTsukiyono Omiella?: A story with a...

Weiß Kreuz Fairy Tales 

Written by Sakki-san 

I don't own Weiss. Wish I did, though. 

I LOOOVE my kitty!! He makes such adorable sounds and looks so CUTE!!! ^__________^ He's still mine, though. 

Omi: OK! THIS chapter is going to have a PLOT! 

Nagi: YAY! 

Schu: pf. You're only happy because you like Omi. 

Omi: ^_^ 

Nagi: =^_^= 

Omi: Ok. We're going to do a spoof of a fairy tale. 

Farfie: CINDERELLA!!!!!!!!!! 

All: O_O 

Crawford: Why the hell would we want to do THAT?! 

Farfie: Because it such a God hurting story!!! 

Schu: How does it hurt God? 

Farfie: Faeries. 

Yohji: …o…k… 

Nagi: I like it. 

Omi: Alright then! Once upon a time there was a beautiful young… 

Schu: blonde guy… 

Omi: who lived with his evil stepmother and… 

Nagi: many many stepbrothers. 

Yohji: Am I the beautiful young blonde guy? 

Schu: Of course not. 

Yohji: ;-; 

Omi: Then…who… 

Schu: You, of course. 

Nagi: O_O!!! 

Omi: Wh-what?! But I'm the narrator!!! 

Schu: Nagi can take your place. Now here, put these on. 

Omi: No way! 

Schu: Do it. 

Omi: ;-; 

Nagi: So...um…anyway. The evil stepmother was – wait, stepmother? We're all guys here. 

Hell: I'M NOT. 

Aya: SHI – NE HELL!!!!!!! 

Hell: Shut up. I'm here to play the evil stepmother. 

Aya: _@_… 

Nagi: …so the evil stepmother favored her biological sons over her stepson. 

Omi: ;-; 

Hell: HEY BOY! GET TO WORK CLEANING THE… 

Farfie: fireplace so that you can go out and get some gasoline to BURN THEM ALL THE TO LAKE OF FIREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! 

All: o.o;;;…. 

Crawford: …The evil stepmother was very happy in her current position because she was rich and powerful. 

Hell: Which made me happy. 

Crawford: I said that. 

Nagi: Then one day, the prince of the land got lonely. 

Schu: I am so fucking lonely. 

Nagi: Schu, lay off the swearing. 

Schu: Fine. I am so #$&*ing lonely. 

Nagi: ~_~;;;… 

Schu: I need companionship. 

Nagi: So his father, the king… 

Crawford: …eh? 

Nagi: …*NUDGE* 

Crawford: OW. Um, son. You look…erm…distressed…waitasecond, I AM NOT HIS FATHER! 

Schu: For this story you are. 

Nagi: The king decided to host a ball so his son could find a… 

Farfie: LAKE OF FIREEEEEEE 

Schu: FARFIE, SHUT THE #$&* UP!!! 

Farfie: o_o scary…^_^ must hurt God a lot. 

Schu: GRRRR 

Nagi: …anyway….the king hosted the ball so his son could find a wife. 

Schu: GRRRR 

Nagi: Der, I mean, a, uh…boyfriend? 

Schu: ^_^ Much better. 

Crawford: I can't believe I have to be his father. 

Omi: Don't pity yourself. 

Nagi: The invitation to the ball – 

Schu: Party. I think a party would be better. 

Nagi: -_- Whatever. The invitation to the party reached the house where Omi, his evil stepbrothers, and evil stepmother lived. 

Hell: OMI, GET THE MAIL! 

Omi: Yes, evil stepmother. Hey look! There's an invitation in here! 

*silence* 

Nagi: … 

Hell: ….Is it my line? 

Nagi: No, the evil stepbrothers are supposed to come barreling down the stairs to get to the invitation. 

Omi: Who plays the evil stepbrothers? 

*silence* 

All: … 

Yohji: ….oh yeah! I'm one of them! 

Omi: _! Took you long enough to remember! 

Aya: -_- 

Ken: Why am I an EVIL stepbrother? 

Nagi: Dunno. Just get down here. 

Yohji: Hey, this is an invitation to the prince's party! 

Aya: Shi-ne. 

Ken: Should be fun… 

Hell: This WILL be fun. 

Yohji: What are you talking about? You're not going. 

Hell: I'm talking about letting Schoen dress you. 

Aya, Ken, and Yohji: (o.0) eep… 

Schoen: YEE HEE HEE!!! *tackle* 

Ken: WAAAAAA 

Aya: HEY! HANDS OFF, WENCH! 

Schoen: …wench? 

Aya: Sakki won't let us swear. 

Schoen: Oh well, sucks to be you. Now COME! For I have LEATHER. 

Schu: O_O…@_________@ 

Aya: NOOOO!!! 

Yohji: YAY! 

Ken: ;-; 

Nagi: And so the evil stepbrothers were dragged, carried, and run off to the dressing room, leaving behind the evil stepmother and Omi. 

Omi: ….can I go? 

Hell: No. 

Omi: ;-; Why not? 

Hell: Because I'm a mean evil bitch. 

Omi: ;-; *slowly walks off* 

Aya: Why can THEY swear and I CAN'T?!! 

Nagi: Aya, get back in the dressing room, you need pants. 

Aya: ….o_O GYAH 

Nagi: ~_~;;; So the poor young Omi wandered back into his room, sad and dejected. 

Omi: ;-; 

Nagi: But when he got there, he saw a – 

Farfie: HUGE LOAF OF FLAMING BREAD SITTING IN A LAKE WHICH I HAD PUT THERE AND I HAD ALSO BOUGHT THE BREAD AND GROWN THE BREAD AND CHIHUAHUAED THE BREAD AND NOW I HAD PUT IT IN OMI'S ROOM SO THAT HE COULD NOT GET TO THE WONDERFUL, SEXY BLACK LEATHER OUTFIT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM, WHICH HAD NOT BEEN PUT THERE BY ME, BUT BY HIS LITTLE MOUSIE FRIENDS, WHOM HE HAD BEFRIENDED WITH HIS WONDERFUL SINGING AND BRITNEY SPEARS IMITATIONS BECAUSE THE MICE LIKED BRITNEY SPEARS WHICH MADE ME ANGRY MOSTLY BECAUSE GOD LIKES BRITNEY SPEARS!! 

All: O_O 

Crawford: THAT'S IT!!!! *draws cross* 

Farfie: O_O GOD SYMBOL!!!! 

Crawford: *charges* SHUT THE !#%^%#&%$*%^**)(%@#$&$@&^%$*^$@^h$#&%@$&#&%#*rd$%@$&%@#%@&#$#$ UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

All sans Crawford, who's chasing Farfie, and Farfie, who's being chased: O_O…. 

Nagi: ….what was supposed to happen was, when he got there, he saw a wonderful, sexy black leather outfit on the other side of the room. 

Schu: That had been put there by his little mousie friends? 

Nagi: How should I know? I've never heard Omi sing. 

Yohji: You should. 

Omi: WOW! Look at this wonderful, sexy black leather outfit! I should put it on! 

Nagi: And so he did! 

Omi: …can I have some privacy? 

Schoen: *TACKLE* 

Omi: GAAAAH 

Schoen: *pets outfit* pretty… 

Hell: SCHOEN! Get lost! 

Schoen: *stalks off* That's all the thanks I get for being so helpful… 

Nagi: So as they were all getting ready to leave, Omi ran down in his sexy black leather outfit! 

Yohji: The sexy blonde guy in the white leather got jealous, so he… 

Aya: cut it in half. 

Yohji: Using his brother's sword. 

Omi: O_O! ;-; You guys are so MEAN! 

Nagi: And the cute little blonde ran off, and the others left. 

Ken: I feel oddly out of place here. 

Schu: Stay. 

Ken: o_o… 

Nagi: Poor little Omi sat in his room, utterly miserable, until there was a flash of golden light! 

Omi: What's that bright light in my room?! 

Farfie: Hi! I'm your fairy godfather! 

Omi: …………..NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Farfie: Shut up, I'm here against all moral ethics and against the will of God, so it's a good thing. 

Omi: What are you talking about?! That's a terrible thing! 

Farfie: But bad things are good. 

Omi: … 

Farfie: Anyway, shut up and listen to me. I'm here to replace your once-wonderful, sexy black leather outfit with an even more wonderful, more sexy black leather one. 

Omi: Can you actually do that?   
Farfie: As long as it hurts God. 

Omi: ….weren't you being chased by Crawford? 

Farfie: Oh, I ditched him somewhere on the side of the road on the way here. Anyway, stand up. 

Omi: ok… 

Farfie: *concentrates* This hurts God…This hurts God…This hurts God… 

Nagi: As soon as he was done chanting, there was another bright flash of light, and Omi was wearing a… 

Farfie: LAKE OF FIREEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! 

Crawford: YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Farfie: O_O GOTTA RUN *zoom* 

Nagi: …he was wearing an even more wonderful, sexier black leather outfit. Leave it to your imagination to come up with it. 

Omi: Wow, I look really sexy in this! Now, what to do with my hair… 

Nagi: Comb it nice and loose, and wear these. 

Omi: Thanks for the shades, Nagi! *puts them on* 

Nagi: *gurgle* 

Schu: …;-; I can't see him… 

Aya: *WHACK* 

Nagi: OW! Oh…right. So Omi walked all the way to the palace because he didn't have a carriage 

Ken: That was made out of cheese. 

All: o.O… 

Ken: …what? 

All: O.o… 

Ken: …I felt like saying it. 

Aya: I feel like doing something right now, but I can't. 

Schu: Sure you can. 

Aya: -_- Check that. SHOULDN'T. 

Nagi: …he arrived at the palace where the prince was… 

Schu: Bored out of his mind. 

Nagi: Then his father noticed a young blonde enter the palace. 

Crawford: =_= Look, Schu. Blonde kid. 

Schu: OOOO, WHERE?! 

Nagi: The prince saw the little blonde kid in the sexy black leather. 

Schu: *DROOL* 

Nagi: See? 

Schu: HELL YEAH. So the prince excused himself and headed down the stairs. 

Yohji: Past the jealous onlookers who wanted a piece of the prince. 

Aya: Not this one. 

Ken: Or this one. 

Schu: Don't worry, I'll be back for ALL of you as soon as I'm done with that little one over there. 

Nagi: The blonde kid noticed the prince coming toward him, and… 

Omi: Panicked. But kept his calm. 

Nagi: Making him look even better than before. *drooool…* 

Crawford: You're cleaning that up. 

Schu: I walked right up to the kid and said 

Farfie: BURRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Crawford: GGGGGGGGGGYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! 

Farfie: HURT GOD!!!!!!!!!! 

Schu: SHUT THE HELL UP! 

All: o.o 

Schu: Good. I said, 'Hey kid, you win!' And grabbed his arm and started dragging him off. 

Nagi: …BUT THEN I TACKLED YOU!!! *tackle* 

Schu: AH! ^_^ Hey, you want a piece of me, too? 

Nagi: No, I want Omi. 

Omi: =^_^= 

Yohji: So the narrator and the main character disappeared off to do…things. 

Schu: Dammit, who do I get to sleep with, then? 

Yohji: Us! 

Ken and Aya: … *back away* 

Schu: Oh no you don't. 

Farfie: AND I RAN OVER GOD'S CAT WITH CRAWFORD'S CAR!!!! 

Crawford: MY CAR!!!!!!! 

~FIN~ 

A/N: I'm out of ideas for the next chapter, would you all be so kind as to tell me what I should spoof/parody/write about next? 


	4. Snow Farfie and the Seven Lakes of Fire:...

Ok, so I got bored and decided to write another chapter. 

Weiß Kreuz Fairy Tales 

Written by Sakki-san 

If I owned Weiss and Schwartz I'd be a happy girl. Therefore, they aren't mine. 

Farfie: YO HO, YO HO, IT'S OFF TO WORK WE GO, TO HACK AND STAB AND WHACK AND HURT HI HO, HI HO! 

Omi: O_O 

Nagi: O_O 

Crawford: o_O 

Schu: O_o 

Aya: o_o 

Yohji: ^_~ 

Ken: -_- 

Farfie: It's the dwarf song. 

Crawford: What dwarf song? 

Farfie: OUT OF SNOW WHITE YOU BORING AMERICAN SQUARE! 

Crawford: O_O……I have never been called that to my face… 

Nagi: Wait a minute. Snow White dwarf song…does that mean…that… 

Farfie: We spoof Snow White. 

All sans Farf: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 

Farfie: We will do it because J-chan and Sakki-san hold me in HIGH regards. 

Aya: SHI-NE SAKKI SAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Schu: Meh. I think it's fine. 

Omi: ~_~ Well then, let's find parts for everybody. Farfie, since you brought it up, you can be Snow Farfie. 

Farfie: Yay! 

Omi: …and the rest of us are the seven dwarves. 

Schu: HAH, I'M TALL, I CAN'T PLAY THAT PART! 

Omi: SSHHHH!!! Do you WANT to be short?! 

Schu: O_O no… 

Hell: I can be the narrator. Now put on the dress, Farfie. 

Schu: *SNORT* 

Crawford: O_O 

All else: EH?!?! 

Farfie: EE! Wearing a dress hurts God! 

Hell: No it doesn't. 

Farfie: …does it go against moral ethics? 

Schu: IT GOES AGAINST MINE! .! 

Farfie: ….then forget it. 

Hell: Damn, I almost had you in a dress. Once upon a time, there was a handsome…erm…scary young man named Snow Farfarello. 

Farfie: Farfie for short! 

Hell: -_- Yeah, Farfie for short. Anyway, he had an evil… 

Ken: cheese wheel. 

All: o.O… 

Ken: …I suppose I should shut up now. 

Crawford: That would be smart. 

Hell: He had an evil stepmother, who was actually a – 

Schu: King who was jealous of his dashing scary looks and wanted to be the scariest one in the land. 

Hell: …that made no sense. 

Schu: What are you talking about? It made perfect sense! EVERYTHING I say makes sense! 

Hell: No it doesn't. How can an evil stepmother be a king? 

Nagi: I read a book like that once… 

Hell: _! Ok, so it was a king! 

Neu: Oh, I feel so LOVED. 

Hell: Shut up. Anyway, the King wanted to be the scariest looking one in the land, so she decided to send a hunter out to go cut out Snow Farfie's heart. 

Tot: YAY! I get to HURT SOMETHING! 

Farfie: O__O YOU 

Crawford: @_@ HER 

Nagi: X__X 

Hell: So the hunter led Snow Farfie out into the forest and attempted to cut out the young man's heart, but… 

Schu: The hunter was too frightened by Snow Farfie's scary looks that she ran away screaming and used the heart of a pig instead. 

Tot: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Hell: This is making less and less sense. 

Schu: Let's keep it that way. 

Omi: Snow Farfie, weirded out by the hunter running away and screaming, wandered down the path until he reached what looked like a… 

Schu: Lovely little house with a fence around it. 

Yohji: With barbed wire on top of that. 

Hell: But that gate was open, so he wandered inside, and went inside. 

Crawford: Inside he saw a small, dirty common room, which apparently was rarely ever cleaned *glare*, and a few doors. 

Schu: Hey, we're not THAT messy. 

Aya: Wanna bet?! 

Hell: TO CONTINUE…Snow Farfie wandered into one of the rooms with beds in it. 

Farfie: No straitjackets? 

Hell: No. 

Farfie: ;-;… 

Hell: He collapsed onto one of the beds and fell fast asleep. 

Farfie: I did?   
Crawford: Yes. 

Farfie: zzz… 

Hell: Then down the path came seven dwarves! 

Nagi: We aren't dwarves. 

Yohji: I dunno, you're short enough to be one. 

Nagi: _!!! 

Hell: All right, seven – 

Farfie: LAKE OF FIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Hell: YOU'RE ASLEEP! 

Farfie: z_z 

Hell: -_- Coming down the path were seven something-or-others. 

Aya: Shi-ne, Hell… 

Hell: Shut up. 

Omi: *singing* Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's – 

Crawford: SHUT. UP. 

Omi: o_o ok… 

Nagi: Hey! Don't be so mean to him! 

Schu: Mmm...sexy… 

Crawford: … 

Schu: I was talking about all of you. 

Aya: Shi-ne Schuldich. 

Yohji: Can't you say something ELSE for once? 

Aya: I have no reason to say anything else. 

Hell: The seven something-or-other's walked into the room. 

Schu: O_O Somebody's here. ….@_@ 

Crawford: And the redhead falls over. 

Hell: o_O Somebody get him up. 

Yohji: Will do. Up, Schu! 

Schu: @_________@ CRAZY…. 

Hell: They all wandered and staggered into the next room only to find a scary young man asleep on the redheaded-violet eyed's bed. 

Aya: SHI-NE! *draws katana* 

Yohji: NO, AYA, NO!!! 

Hell: -_- At this the scary young man woke up. 

Ken: and gave them all cheese. 

All: … 

Farfie: …I have cheese? 

Crawford: Ken, shut up. 

Ken: ;-; 

Hell: …the dwarv – er, something-or-others introduced themselves. 

Omi: Hi! I'm Omi! 

Nagi: Nagi here. 

Crawford: Why do we need to introduce ourselves? 

Aya: I don't know. 

Hell: Then don't. The something-or-others allowed Snow Farfie to stay in their house as long as he cleaned the place up every day and cooked for them. 

Schu: Woah, hey now. That's going a little too far. I will NOT eat anything Farfie cooks. 

Crawford: Same here. Absolutely out of the question. 

Nagi: The very thought frightens me. 

Hell: All right, cleaned the place up and 

Farfie: BURRRNNNEEEEEDDDD 

Crawford: in the lake of fire. I know. 

Hell: _! Shut UP, Farfarello! You clean and you do the normal chores! 

Farfie: ;-; 

Ken: I share your pain. 

Farfie: Thank you. Now… 

Hell: So they lived together quite happily, all eight of them, until one day all seven something-or-others were going out. 

Schu: We're going to spend the next day or so in a hotel. 

Nagi: Why?! 

Schu: …reasons…uh……psychic……assassin gathering? 

Yohji: Works for me. 

Hell: Oh, GOD. 

Farfie: MUST BE HURT BY THIS PSYCHIC ASSASSIN GATHERING FOR I KNOW THE TRUE REASON BEHIND IT ALL, AND I WILL NOT FOLLOW YOU BECAUSE IT'S SURROUNDED BY A BURNING LAKE OF FIRE IN WHICH YOU SHALL PERISH BECAUSE YOU ALL LIKE BRITNEY SPEARS AND GOD LIKES BRITNEY SPEARS AND THE MICE FROM THE LAST CHAPTER LIKE BRITNEY SPEARS AND THEY'RE ALL WEARING SEXY BLACK LEATHER!!! 

All: O_O 

Hell: …I am never referring to God again. 

Farfie: ^_^ Yay. 

Hell: So the seven something-or-others left Snow Farfie alone in the house. 

Farfie: *sweep sweep sweep* 

Hell: When suddenly – 

Neu: I AM THE EVIL WITCH WHO WILL POISON YOU WITH MY MAGICAL APPLE THAT WILL PUT YOU INTO A DEEP SLEEP AND EVENTUALLY KILL YOU UNTIL YOU ARE KISSED BY ONE OF THE SOMETHING-OR-OTHERS WHO ACTUALLY ISN'T A SOMETHING-OR-OTHER BUT MERELY DISGUISED AS ONE WHO AREN'T COMING BACK FOR AT LEAST 24 HOURS, WHICH IS JUST ENOUGH TIME TO SAVE YOUR LIFE!!! 

Hell: ~___~ 

Farfie: o.O 

Neu: Er, I mean, I am a helpless old beggar woman, would you like to buy this lovely apple from me? 

Farfie: Will it hurt God if I buy it? 

Neu: …sure, why not? 

Farfie: YAY! 

Hell: So Snow Farfarello bought the poisoned apple from the evil witch who was DISGUISED as a helpless old beggar woman, and took a bite. 

Farfie: Mm. Tasty. 

Neu: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!! NOW YOU ARE POISONED AND I AM THE SCARIEST KING IN THE WORLD!!! 

Farfie: I am and you are? 

Hell: Snow Farfie fell over in a coma. 

Farfie: ….oh. zzz. 

Aya: ;-; coma…Aya-chan!!! 

Hell: Well, the next day, Ken the something-or-other came back because he forgot his… 

Schu: Bathing suit. 

Ken: … 

Hell: And when he came back, Snow Farfie was lying in HIS bed, because… 

Nagi: The little animals had put him there. 

Hell: …riiight… 

Ken: …what's he doing in my bed and why is he passed out? 

Neu: I AM THE EVIL WITCH AND I POISONED HIM!!! 

Ken: with cheese 

All: … 

Hell: STOP WITH THE CHEESE ALREADY. 

Ken: ;-; 

Hell: Ken slew the evil witch – 

Neu: ARRRGHHH 

Hell: - and went over to Snow Farfie. And kissed him, because that would wake up Snow Farfie, because Ken wasn't actually a something-or-other but a prince. 

Schu: of elves. Now come on, Crawfish. You're MINE. 

Crawford: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 

Hell: And Farfie was ALSO a prince of elves. As soon as Ken kissed Snow Farfie, Snow Farfie woke up. 

Farfie: ^_^ Hi! 

Ken: …hi. 

Hell: And they lived happily ever after. 

Farfie: Ken's mine. *grab* 

Ken: O_O 

Nagi: And Omi's mine! 

Aya: ... 

Yohji: YOU'RE coming with ME, something-or-other. 

Aya: SHI-NE!!! 

~FIN~ 

I want more suggestions! Thank you elvengoddess for giving me all those suggestions. Also, I want pairing ideas. More than I already have. Be CREATIVE. For I must give you people as many pairings as possible. 

Aya: *growl* Shi-NE, Sakki. 

Me: MORE IDEAS!!! GIVE ME MORE IDEAS!!! (Most suggestions get picked!) GYAH! 


	5. Yohji Hood and his Merry Men: Why Schuld...

Huzzah, it's another chapter. 

Weiß Kreuz Fairy Tales 

Written by Sakki-san 

Weiss and Schwartz aren't mine. I'm too young to get a job, so I'm poor. 

Neu: AND I WENT… 

Farfie: SHOOSHOOSHADOOOO 

Neu: AND THERE WAS A… 

Farfie: LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE OF FIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRREEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Crawford: o_O;;; 

Hell: O_o;;; 

Aya: ~_~

Schu: o_o 

Schoen: o.0 

Omi: 0.o 

Yohji: ^_^ 

Ken: _;;; 

Nagi: o_o... 

Tot: WHEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! 

Crawford: What was that all about? 

Hell: And since when is Neu as psychoneurotic as Farfarello? 

Schoen: I think it was when you made her play the king. 

Nagi: That would do it for me… 

Schoen: You're not a woman. 

Schu: AND THANK GOD FOR THAT! 

Omi: HEY! That's my line! 

Schu: ^_^ 

Yohji: ^__________^ 

Aya: …what are YOU so happy about? 

Yohji: ^________^ Sakki-san said I could be the main character in today's story! 

Ken: That's not necessarily a good thing, Yohji… 

Yohji: But I know today's topic. 

Crawford: Ô.o what is it? 

Yohji: *ahem* …YOHJI HOOD! 

All: ………………… 

Crawford: God save us. ALL of us. 

Farfie: NOT ME BECAUSE I HURT GOD CONSISTANTLY AND SAKKI'S CAT HAS CLAWED UP HER HAND MAKING IT HARD FOR HER TO TYPE SO BY ENRAGING THE CAT MORE WE CAN STOP HER FROM TYPING ALTOGETHER WHICH MEANS NO MORE STUIPD FANFICS OR STUPID IDEAS, NO MORE PAIRINGS, NO MORE LEATHER, NO MORE CHIHUAHUAED BREAD, NO MORE LAKES OF FIRE OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT, BUT I SUPPOSE THAT WE'D ALL LIKE THAT HM?! 

Neu: BECAUSE IT HURTS GOD! 

Hell: O_O Ok, now I KNOW something's wrong with Neu. 

Neu: Nothing's wrong with me, I just feel like being a psycho. 

Hell: ~_~ 

Yohji: ^_^ 

Omi: *sigh* Ok, we'll figure this out as we go. Once upon a time… 

Yohji: There was a stunning, handsome young man known only as Yohji Hood. 

Schu: Yohji Hood was a very lonely man, but he wasn't stupid. 

Aya: Yes he was. And he wasn't lonely at all. He had himself. 

Yohji: …I don't know if I'm supposed to be insulted or complimented. 

Omi: ! Yohji Hood was walking along one day when he encountered a man sitting in a tree. 

Nagi: HELP 

Yohji: Hey, how did you get up there? 

Nagi: ;-; I have no idea! 

Yohji: Well, come down! 

Nagi: I CAN'T! 

Yohji: Oh. 

Omi: So Yohji Hood pulled poor Nagi-kun off the tree branch. 

Nagi: Thanks. 

Yohji: Hey! Wait! Where are you going?! You stay here! 

Nagi: .… 

Omi: So the two of them continued walking. As they walked, they encountered… 

Aya: The Big Bad Brad. 

Crawford: DO NOT CALL ME BRAD!!! 

Omi: The Big Bad Brad…? …^.^…^.^… 

Crawford: _@_… 

Omi: *cracks up* 

Nagi: *snicker* 

Crawford: *snaps* **IF YOU CONTINUE TO CALL ME BRAD I AM GOING TO RIP ALL OF YOUR INTESTINES OUT THOUGH YOUR THROAT AND THEN I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!! **

All: O___O 

Schu: Woah, PMS again! 

Omi: …so…The Big Bad Brad – 

Farfie: RAN AROUND SCREAMING LIKE A LUNATIC WAVING HIS GUN AND OBVIOUSLY HURTING GOD BECAUSE OF WHAT HE WAS SCREAMING!!! 

Crawford: *tackle* DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 

Aya: o.o;;; He's snapped. 

Omi: …The Big Bad Brad joined Yohji Hood and Nagi's quest. 

Yohji: I have a quest?  

Omi: Not really, but it helps the plot. 

Ken: and cheese. 

All: … 

Schu: Cheese fetish, Ken? 

Ken: *shrugs* 

Omi: They walked along until they encountered yet ANOTHER merry man. 

Ken: *piku* 

Yohji: Hey, Friar Ken! Join us on our quest! 

Ken: Quest? 

Nagi: Just come on. 

Ken: GAH 

Omi: So Ken was hovered along with Yohji Hood and Nagi and the Big Bad Brad. 

Farfie: MEANWHILE, AT THE CASTLE OF THE EVIL KING AND HIS EVEN EVILLER SHERRIFF AND THE EVIL KING'S NOT-SO-EVIL SISTER… 

Schu: MWAHAHAHAHAAA 

Neu: ~_~ 

Schu: …what are you doing here? 

Neu: I play the evil king's not-so-evil sister. 

Schu: But I'm in love with….**O.O **

Yohji: ^_______^ 

Crawford: Relax, Schu, it's just for one story. 

Schu: **O.O**

Schu: **O.O**

Schu: **O.O**

Schu: **O.O  
Schu: ****O.O **

Crawford: …Schu? 

Schu: ;_____________; 

Crawford: -_-;;; 

Schu: ;-; I wanted to screw Aya… 

Aya: O_O 

Omi: ….erm…. 

Farfie: Yeah, and I want to hurt God right now, but I can't exactly do tha – wait a minute, I can hurt God whenever I want! YIIIII!!! 

Ken: o_o;;;… 

Schu ;-;…well…I suppose. 

Omi: YO, SHUT UP! 

Schu: ~_~ Dumb kid. 

Nagi: *growl* 

Omi: The group of adventurers walked calmly through the forest, although the Big Bad Brad – 

Crawford: *twitch*   
Omi: - was a little pissed off. 

Crawford: Just a little? *waves gun…er, stick, threateningly* 

Omi: =_= Fine, a lot pissed off. They were walking when they encountered the evil Sheriff of….of…crap, wasn't Crawford supposed to be the evil prince? 

Crawford: Yes. But we all know that you're stupid. 

Omi: But I didn't do the casting! 

Schu: Yes you did. 

Omi: _! All right, the evil prince is Ken. 

Ken: …o.O… 

Farfie: ;-; 

Omi: …Farfie. 

Farfie: YAY! I'm an evil prince! 

Omi: So they encountered the evil Sheriff of Snottingham! 

All: ……… 

Omi: Short notice. 

Ken: And cheese. 

Crawford: *WHACK* 

Ken: x_x 

Omi: Erm, that was unnecessary. Anyway. The evil Sheriff of Snottingham rode right up to Yohji hood and his three companions, one of whom was unconscious. 

Schu: Hey! You're not from around here, are you? 

Crawford: *draws stick* No. 

Schu: …you have a stick. 

Crawford: Yes. *waves stick* 

Schu: *snickers and draws sword* I have a SWORD. Metal versus wood? 

Crawford: .  .  .  … 

Schu: *swings sword* 

Omi: But! The sword MISSED Crawford by about five inches because the Sheriff of Snottingham was such a bad aim… 

Schu: HEY!!! 

Crawford: And I whacked him in the head with my stick. 

Schu: . ow… 

Omi: Incredibly pissed, the Sheriff rode of, screaming revenge as he tried to keep a swelling headache from starting. 

Schu: I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!!! YOU RUINED MY BEAUTIFUL HEAD!!! 

Crawford: Ô.o I did, now, did I? 

Nagi: Obviously. 

Omi: The four adventurers traveled onward, toward the castle, because Yohji Hood had heard of a damsel in distress that he wanted to save! 

Yohji: @_@ Asuka…. 

Schu: _!!!!!!!! 

Omi: The damsel's name was Maid Maren. 

Aya: Shouldn't it be Maid Marian? 

Omi: Not in this context, apparently… 

Nagi: I floated Ken and walked behind Yohji Hood and the Big Bad Brad for some time before we arrived at the city. 

Yohji: O_O Big city! 

Crawford: -_- Small city. 

Nagi: …*blink* 

Omi: They wandered through and (while getting several odd looks), managed to pick up some additions to their Merry Men! 

Crawford: *makes calculations* Four of us…Aya's king, Farfie's prince, Schu's sheriff…mn…Me, Yohji, Nagi, Ken…Omi's…narrator. 

Omi: …some not well known additions. 

Aya: Bit players. 

Omi: Correct. One day Yohji Hood caught a glimpse of Maid Maren! 

Neu: *vanishes from sight before Yohji Hood can really see her* 

Yohji: @_______________@ ASUKA!!! 

Crawford: *WHRACK* 

Yohji: .…where did you get that steel 2 by 4? 

Crawford: Don't ask. 

Omi: o_o;;;…When they were back in their camp that night, Yohji Hood decided to go find Maid Maren. 

Yohji: I must find and marry this Maren and spend all of my days with her! 

Crawford: ~_~ Then go do that. 

Nagi: *on the verge of tears* ;-; 

Crawford: …what's your problem? 

Nagi: It's so SWEET! 

Yohji: ^_^ Somebody sees my way. 

Crawford: -_- 

Ken: *still unconscious* x_x 

Omi: The next night Yohji Hood went and visited Maid Maren. 

Neu: O_O! Who are you? 

Yohji: I am Yohji Hood, here to liberate you from the evil clutches of your evil brother the prince! 

Neu: …^________^ Yay! But you can't do it now! 

Yohji: Why not? 

Neu: Because the King is coming back from the crusades in…*counts on her fingers* …three days. And Prince Farfie will be kicked off the throne then. 

Yohji: …^_^ I still want to liberate you. 

Neu: DUR. Now leave before someone sees you. 

Omi: That night Yohji Hood had dreams about Maren. The next morning he tried to get up and found his sleeve pinned to the ground by an arrow! 

Yohji: Nagi, were you practicing with weapons again? 

Nagi: x_x no…

Crawford: *sitting on Nagi's back, holding the 2 by 4* I made sure he didn't. 

Ken: x_x 

Yohji: Hey, there's a letter attached to this arrow! 

Omi: The letter said, 'If you want to win Maid Maren, come to the archery contest today!' 

Yohji: ooo…archery contest…. 

Omi: As we all know, Yohji Hood is an impeccable shot with the bow. So he ran off to this archery contest for more than one reason. 

Yohji: MAREN! 

Neu: YOHJI! 

Farfie: I AM THE PRINCE! START THE CONTEST! 

Omi: Yohji was disguised, so Prince Farfie didn't know it was him. 

Farfie: FIIIRRRRRRRREEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN IN THE LAAAAAAAAAAKE OF FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Schu: Shut up. =_= *sitting next to Maren* 

Neu: I'm not pleased with the seating arrangements, either, Snot boy. 

Schu: ! 

Omi: o_o;;; The archery contest continued without flaw until Yohji won in the third trial. 

Farfie: *POINT* THAT'S HIM!!! THAT'S YOHJI HOOD!!! GET HIM!!! 

Omi: The guards surrounded poor Yohji Hood. 

Yohji: Crap. 

Farfie: HANG HIM, FOR THAT WAY HE SUFFERS AND HURTS GOD EVEN MORE!!! 

Neu: ;____; 

Omi: BUT! Just before Yohji Hood could be hanged, his Merry Men jumped in and kicked ass! 

Crawford: *whack* WHACK* *WHRRAAACCCKKK* 

Guards: x_x 

Nagi: *fling* WHEE! 

Ken: *claw* *bite* *hiss* *scratch* 

Omi: …o-o… 

Ken: ….*hiss?* 

Omi: ….ok… Finally the fight was won! 

Farfie: YOU CAN'T DEFEAT ME BECAUSE I AM THE ONE AND ONLY HURTER OF GOD BECAUSE I AM THE ONLY WHO RECOGNIZES IT AND I HAVE NO FRYING PAN FOR MY BACON WHICH MEANS I HAVE TO BACK TO INDEPENDENCE WHICH IS ABOUT 30 MILES AWAY AGAIN, BUT IF I DON'T TURN BACK WHO WILL CHIHUAHUAH THE BACON?! GOD HURTS WHEN YOU CHIHUAHUAH STUFF BECAUSE HE ONLY PLACED THEM ON EARTH TO MAKE US HAPPY, AND GOD MUST SUFFER FOR TRYING TO MAKE US UNHAPPY, AND NOW THERE'S A CAT ON MY SHOULDER AND IT'S PURRING AND BRITNEY SPEARS IS GOING TO MAKE A DEBUT CONCERT BECAUSE GOD LIKES HER AND THE MICE FROM THE OTHER CHAPTERS LIKE HER AND I HATE HER AND IF I KILL HER THAT WILL HURT GOD EVEN MORE THAN EVER BEFORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!! I HURT GOD!!!! I AM EVIL!!!!!!! YIYIYIYIYIYIYYIIYYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!! 

All: **O_O **

Omi: …Farfie? 

Farfie: What? 

Omi: …don't do that again. 

Farfie: Hmph. 

Omi: …then King Aya showed up! 

Aya: Farfie, you're not the prince anymore. 

Farfie: BUT I MUST BE THE PRINCE BECAUSE I BOUGHT THE BREAD AND I PLANTED THE BREAD AND I – 

Crawford: *SHRWHRAAAM!!!* 

Farfie: X_X 

Aya: Thank you. 

Crawford: With pleasure. 

Schu: ….*sneaks away* 

Yohji: A-HA!!! Come back here! 

Schu: EE *runs* 

Omi: So Yohji Hood chased after the Sheriff of Snottingham, and everybody was happy because peace was restored to the land. And eventually everybody was awake again 

Ken: And had cheese. 

Crawford: *swing* 

Ken: GAAAH 

~FIN~ 

Maid Maren is called that for a reason and only one person knows what that reason is. ^_^ Hi Ren! 

Next up: Rapunzel! (due to the many suggestions for it…) 


	6. Ayapunzel: Happy Birthday, Minerva!

One word: Ayapunzel. 

Weiß Kreuz Fairy Tales 

Written by Sakki-san 

I don't own Schwartz. Or Weiss. Or the story Rapunzel. 

Happy Birthday, Min. (This is her birthday present.) 

Farfie: ONCE UPON A TIME I LIVED IN A LAKE OF FIRE!!!! 

Crawford: This is getting annoying. 

Ken: CHEESE. 

Crawford: So is that. 

Omi: Once upon a time, there was a young man who lived in a tower. 

Ken: MADE OF CHEESE 

Crawford: *WHACK* 

Ken: X_X 

Omi: THANK you, Crawford. 

Crawford: *waves steel 2 by 4* You're welcome. 

Omi: So this young man, named Ayapunzel – 

Aya: WHAT?!! 

Omi: ^^;;; Calm down, Aya-kun…Ayapunzel lived in a tall tower. He had nobody to talk to except himself… 

Yohji: And the voices in his head. 

Aya: *growl…* 

Schu: One of them being me! 

Omi: No, not yet. Now, there was this marshmallow, see? 

Nagi: …no, I don't. 

Farfie: AND IT WAS FLUFFY AND YUMMY AND COVERED IN ARTIFICIALLY COLORED SUGAR!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!! ARTIFICIAL FOOD COLORING IS SO WEIRD BECAUSE IT'S JUST THERE AND IT'S BLUE!!! BLUE, DAMMIT, BLUUUEEE!!!!!!!!!! 

Crawford: *WHACK* 

Farfie: x_x 

Omi: Thank you again, Crawford. 

Crawford: It's my job. 

Nagi: I thought you were the leader of Schwartz… 

Crawford: That too. 

Omi: So there was this tower, and in it lived a young man named Ayapunzel, and he couldn't get down. 

Aya: What are you talking about? *climbing down* 

Omi: !!! Get back in the tower! 

Aya: No. 

Omi: Crawford… 

Crawford: *aims* 

Aya: IEEE!!! NO!! *scrambles back in* I don't want a stick up my ass like yours, Crawford! 

Crawford: -_- 

Omi: He waited for so long for someone to come and save him!  

Schu: *on a horse* …I don't like this… 

Omi: Just relax, it's Nagi and Farfie in a horse suit. 

Schu: (o.0) WHAT?!!! 

Omi: …erm…anyway…Ayapunzel had incredibly long eartails. 

Aya: o-o…these are really long… *poke poke* 

Omi: THEN one day, a young man came along on a horse! 

Schu: …..Hi. 

Omi: He looked up the tower and saw Ayapunzel up there, leaning out over the windowsill. 

Aya: _@_… 

Schu: AYAPUNZEL, AYAPUNZEL, LET DOWN YOUR LONG EARTAILS!!! 

Aya: -_-… 

Omi: Ayapunzel looked out the window and at Schuldich. 

Schu: ^_^ Come on…I can save you this way! 

Aya: You climb up? There's no doors and one bed. 

Schu: ^_^…. 

Aya: I know what you're planning. 

Schu: _! Oh well. LET DOWN YOUR LONG EARTAILS!!! 

Aya: -_-… 

Omi: So Ayapunzel dropped his eartails down to Schuldich and leaned out the window. 

Schu: Ok! This shouldn't be so hard...*grabs eartails* 

Aya: OW! 

Schu: *climbs* ow… 

Aya: @___@!!! You think YOU'RE in pain?!! 

Schu: Kind of, yes. 

Omi: So! Prince Schu climbed up the tower and finally climbed in! 

Schu: Haha! I am here to rescue you! 

Aya: Yeah right. I know exactly what you WANT to do. 

Omi: But to stick to the storyline, Prince Schu… 

Farfie: PULLED OUT A PAIR OF SCISSORS AND CUT OFF AYAPUNZEL'S EARTAILS AND THE MARSHMELLOW ARTIFICIAL FOOD COLORING DANCED AROUND BECAUSE THEY WERE SOOOOOO HAPPY AND GOD WAS BADLY HURT BY THE DANCING BECAUSE THEY WERE BURNING A BRITNEY SPEARS EFFIGY IN THE LAKE OF FIREEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Aya: O.O 

Schu: o.O 

Crawford: *WHACK* 

Farfie: x_x 

Aya: *sob* My eartails...*wobbles around* 

Schu: ^_^ Haha! *catches Aya* Now I will get you out of this tower!….somehow…

Aya: Don't you have rope? 

Schu: …not really. I have some of Yohji's razor wire… 

Yohji: so THAT'S where it went!!!!!! 

Schu: ^^;;; Relax! It's only a little bit! 

Yohji: Eighteen feet is more than a little bit. 

Schu: But for now, we'll have to stick with what we have. 

Aya: What's that supposed to mean? 

Schu: *evil smirk* You're missing your eartails, which puts you off balance. BADLY off balance. Which renders you helpless. 

Aya: … 

Schu: *pulls down window curtain*   
Aya: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Omi: …o_o…;;;;;;;;;;;;;…. 

Ken: ….cheese? 

Crawford: *lifts 2 by 4* 

Ken: AAAAH I'LL STOP!!! 

Crawford: Good. 

Omi: I don't even want to know what they're doing in that tower… 

Nagi: But those of you reading probably know. 

Omi: And…hey, isn't it Min's birthday? 

Yohji: Actually, that's Saturday (May 25). But we need to finish the story for the sake of the readers. 

Omi: Ok. Crawford? 

Crawford: Nani? 

Omi: Go make Schu finish the story CORRECTLY. 

Crawford: Why me?! 

Ken: Because Yohji managed to hurt himself in the last four or five lines by playing with his razor wire and you're really the only other person around that he'll sleep with that's stronger than him. 

Crawford: Oh. I forgot. -_- SCHULDICH!!! 

Schu: *peeps head out window* What? 

Crawford: Finish the story appropriately. 

Schu: ! Fine. *goes back in* 

Omi: o_o;;; So Prince Schuldich carried Ayapunzel out of the tower by going down razor wire. 

Schu: OW! This is PAINFUL! 

Aya: *clinging to Schu's neck* It'll be even MORE painful when I get my katana back. 

Schu: IF you can get it back. 

Aya: … 

Schu: *snickers* 

Omi: And they rode off… 

Farfie: INTO THE SUNSET UPON WHICH THEY STUMBLED IN A LAKE OF FIRE AND BURNED TO DEATH, BUT THEY WOULD HAVE DONE THAT ANYWAY IF THEY HAD MANGED TO HIT THE SUNSET AND SHEEP ROCK REALLY **DOES LOOK LIKE SHEEP!!!!!!! WONDER OF ALL WONDERS!!!!! AND I BAKED THE BREAD AND CHIHUAHUAED THE BREAD AND SO ON AND SO ON UNTIL YOU ALL GET SO SICK OF WHAT I'M SAYING THAT CRAWFORD TAKES HIS WONDERFUL STEEL TWO BY FOUR AND WHACKS ME ACROSS THE HEAD WITH IT!!!!!!! **

Crawford: *SHRAM* 

Farfie: HAHA, YOU MISSED!!! 

Crawford: *whunk* 

Farfie: x_x 

Nagi: …into the sunset. 

Schu: And I – 

Omi: Did not get to do anything with Aya. 

Schu: WHY NOT?!! 

Omi: Because Sakki-san sold his human rights to min as a birthday present. 

Aya: WHAT THE – SHI-NE SAKKI SAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Schu: Can I buy them from Min? 

Crawford: If she lets you. 

Ken: You may want to ask her before you give her the money… 

Farfie: AND WE ALL GET TO IRISH STEP DANCE!!! 

Aya: *pulls out katana* SHI-NE!!!! 

Sakki: (**o.0) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **

~FIN~ 

~HAPPY BIRTHDAY MINERVA!!!~ 


	7. Little RedHeaded Riding Hood: No trips t...

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE 

Apparently I had too much chocolate this morning… 

Weiß Kreuz Fairy Tales 

Written by Sakki-san 

I don't own Weiss. I don't own Schwartz. For if I did we'd all be…elsewhere. 

Aya: No. 

Omi: Pleeeeaaassseee? 

Aya: No. 

Omi: Please? 

Aya: No. 

Omi: PLEASE? 

Aya: No. 

Ken: …? 

Yohji: Aya won't take Omi to the zoo. 

Omi: No, that's not it at all! He refuses to play the main part of today's show! 

Aya: For good reason. 

Omi: ;-; Please, Aya? It's only one… 

Aya: I played the main character last time. 

Schu: Can I play the main part? 

Omi: …I suppose. Here. 

Schu: o.O what's this? 

Omi: A red cape and hood. What does it look like? 

Schu: …Wait, what are we doing today? 

Nagi: Little Red Riding Hood. 

Schu: …………………….ARRRRRRRRRGGGH!!!!!!!!!! 

Crawford: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! 

Schu: -_- Shut the hell up, Crawford. 

Crawford: ^_^ 

Farfie: Heeheehee. This should hurt God a LOT. 

Schuldich: *sob* Comfort me, Crawfish! 

Crawford: No. 

Omi: ^_^;;;;;; Once upon a time, there was a young man with this very pretty red hair. 

Schu: Oh, you like it? 

Omi: Hey, stay away from me! 

Ken: o_o;;; 

Nagi: HE'S MINE!!! Grrr.... 

Schu: Screw this, Aya, you play the part. 

Aya: ?! 

Omi: So the young man with the pretty red hair was at home one day when his mother – der – father told him to go visit his grandma. 

Yohji: You should go visit your grandma. She needs the visit. 

Aya: -_- 

Yohji: Here, bring her this basket of stuff! 

Aya: *looks in basket* ………………………………………………. 

Yohji: What? 

Aya: …………………gr. 

Omi: ^^;;; So Aya went down the road, skipping and humming. 

Aya: *walks* I refuse to skip OR hum. 

Omi: ;-; 

Aya: If I have to play the main part, I will NOT do anything to derive me of my pride. 

Schu: I think that red cape and hood does the trick, really… 

Aya: *fling* 

Schu: *whump* GAH 

Nagi: Then, he encountered a WOLF! 

Crawford: *in wolf costume* RAR 

Aya: o_o Crawford, how did they get you into that? 

Crawford: I have no idea. 

Ken: It had a lot to do with razor wire and 

Farfie: MY LOVE FOR YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU 

All: O.O…….. 

Omi: …..the wolf started to talk to Little Red-Headed Riding Hood. 

Aya: Don't call me that. 

Crawford: I am a wolf. Allow me to escort you to your Grandma's house. 

Farfie: SO YOU CAN EAT HIM AND THE GRANDMA AND THE HUNTER AND EAT EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Crawford: *SMACK* 

Farfie: *runs off yelping* 

Aya: I see you don't believe in the 'no hitting below the belt' rule, either. 

Omi: o_O;;; So Aya refused the help of the wolf and kept on walking. This made the wolf angry. 

Crawford: GRR. I….am not liking this costume… 

Omi: The wolf decided to go find the grandma and EAT HER! 

Schu: Eat HIM, Omi. I have to play the Grandma. 

Nagi: O_O….^o^ ^o^ ^o^ 

Schu: DON'T press your luck, Chibi. 

Nagi: . 

Crawford: *walks into the house* ….nice dress, Schu. 

Schu: Thanks. I think I'll take it off. 

Crawford: DON'T!!! *pretends to eat Schu* 

Schu: ARGH. 

Crawford: Great, he's dead. Now then………I am NOT wearing a dress… 

Omi: Oh, come ON!! It's just for this! 

Crawford: YEAH RIGHT! If I put on this dress, you'll make me wear one for the rest of the day and then for the rest of the episodes and Yohji n' Schu'll get polaroids and copy them and post them around and sell them for a profit and WHERE WILL I BE?!! I'LL BE DEAD!!!! 

Omi: …Crawford, I think you need to get out of the wolf suit. 

Crawford: Not until this play is over. 

Nagi: ~_~;;; 

Omi: Well…so then the Wolf was inside disguised as the Grandma. And when Aya came in, he found his 'grandma' and handed her the basket. 

Aya: My, what big eyes you have, Grandma. 

Crawford: HEY, THESE GLASSES ARE PRESCRIPT- I mean, all the better to see you with, my dear. 

Aya: -_- (This is so stupid…) My, what big ears you have, Grandma. 

Crawford: BLAME MY FATH- I mean, all the better to hear you with, my dear. 

Aya: o.0… My, what big teeth you have, Grandma. 

Crawford: *snickers* All the better to eat you with!! *lunge* 

Aya: GAAAAH 

Omi: And so the Big Bad Brad – der, wolf – lunged on poor Little RedHeaded Riding Hood and attempted to eat him! 

Aya: _!!! *pulls out katana* 

Crawford: *sitting on him* DON'T do it. 

Nagi: When suddenly – 

Ken: *enters* I am the hunter! O_O!!! *attacks Crawford* DIE EVIL WOLF!!!! I SHALL KILL YOU BY USING THE ALMIGHTY POWER OF CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Crawford: -_- 

Omi: ^^; And the brave Hunter slew the wolf and the Grandma was brought back to life. 

Schu: *checks basket* Mhm…everything I asked for. Wow, even toothpaste! 

Crawford: *stands up and pulls off the wolf suit, he's got his usual Armani suit under that* Gah. 

Aya: *kind of dazed from when Crawford landed on him* @_@.... 

Crawford: *picks him up* 

Schu: ah HA!!!!!! 

Crawford: What? 

Schu: You DO have something for him!!! *snickers* 

Crawford: -_- *walks off, carrying Aya* 

Yohji: ^_^ 

Omi: And that was the end! 

Farfie: AND I CAME BACK BECAUSE CRAWFORD WAS GONE WITH AYA AND I WAS CARRYING THE REAL BASKET OF GOODIES, SEEING AS THE BASKET OF GOODIES AYA HAD WAS A FAKE BASKET AND NOW I HAD THE MICE IN THE BASKET AND THEY SHALL BURN BECAUSE THEY MAKE GOD HAPPY BY PLAYING BRITNEY SPEARS ALL THE TIME AND THE CAT GOES MEOW AND WE ALL MUST KILL EVERYTHING GOD LIKES AND WE MUST HURT GOD AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE BECAUSE THE MOON IS MOVING TOO FAST FOR THE NORMAL PATTERNS SO NOW WE SEE A WHITE MOON AND A DARK MOON IN THE SAME DAY WHICH SCARES SAILOR MOON BECAUSE SHE'S A #$%@#$^@#%&*(&#@$&%@$ING DITZ!!!!!!!! 

Ken: And cheese. 

~FIN~ 

So who wants a Sailor Moon parody next? ^_^ 


	8. Sailor Schu and the Sailor Senshi: Fun W...

CITRUS MANGO! 

Weiß Kreuz Fairy Tales 

Written by Sakki-san 

Anything you haven't heard of is MINE. Like me. o.o Yes, I own myself. 

… 

…_ SHIT. Nevermind. Farfie said selling my soul to the devil would hurt God and he talked me into it. _!!! 

Oh yes…Makoto Kudou…I *HEART* your song parody. That was HILARIOUS. Me and J-chan were like: O_O XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD!!!!!!!!!! Just so you all can read it, I'll post it in here! XD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Schu: WOOOOT!!! 

Aya: o.o What the… 

Omi: *reads script* O.O *falls over* 

Aya: …eh?   
Schu: BEING EVIL BY MOONLIGHT, SCREWING YOHJI BY CANDLELIGHT, USING TELEPATHY IN A BIG FIGHT, HE IS THE ONE THE SAILOR SCHU! HE WILL ALWAYS TURN HIS BACK ON HIS FRIENDS, AND HE LIKES TO MAKE CRAWFORD BEND(over!) HE IS THE ONE ON WHO YOU SHOULDN'T DEPEND, HE IS THE ONE THE SAAAAILOOOOOOORRRR... SAILOR OMI! SAILOR AYA! SAILOR NAGI! SAILOR FARFIE-KINS! FIGHTING GOODNESS OF KEN'S CHEESE, HE IS THE ONE THE SAILOR SCHU. HE IS THE ONE, SAILOR SCHUUU!!!! ß(was written by Makoto Kudou XD) 

All: **O.O **

Crawford: WTF?!?!?!!! 

Schu: I AM SAILOR SCHU, AND IN THE NAME OF THE 

Farfie: LAKE OF FIRE 

Schu: I WILL DESTROY YOU!!! 

Nagi: I'm Sailor Nagi! *pose* And I will aid Sailor Schu in destroying you! *points* 

Omi: o.O Me?! 

Nagi: No, the bad guys. 

Omi: Oh. I'm Sailor Omi! RAR! 

Aya: *does not move* 

Farfie: *hits Aya with wand* Sailor Farfie insists that you move! 

Aya: *attacks Farfie* 

Farfie: EE ATTACKING ME…O_O DOES NOT HURT GOD, DIEEE!!!!! 

Aya: Doh. 

Sakki: All of you! Make a good point as to why YOU should play Sailor Moon! 

All: … 

Schu: I already gave MY point. That song up there that I didn't write!  *points* 

Ken: *hugs his cheese* My cheese has goodness. 

Schu: *purr* 

Ken: o.o;;; 

Farfie: I SHOULD BE SAILOR MOON BECAUSE I COULD TAKE THE MAGICAL MOON POWERS AND DESTROY YOU ALL WITH THEM!!!!!!!!!!   
Crawford: -_- Obviously Sakki has no idea what Sailor Moon really is… 

Sakki: Wanna bet, Mr. Stick-Up-His-Ass? 

Crawford: *grr…* 

Farfie: Fine. *ahem* I SHOULD BE SAILOR MOON BECAUSE I COULD TAKE THE MILLENIUM CRYSTAL FROM THE PAST AND THE ONE FROM THE FUTURE AND BLOW YOU ALL UP WITH IT!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!! JUST LIKE DIAMANDO DID IN THE MANGA!!!!!!! AND THEN ALL THE LITTLE MICE WILL BE DEAD AND BRITNEY SPEARS WILL BE DEAD AND GOD WILL BE WEEPING AND I'LL HAVE A NICE RESORT ON THE LAKE OF FIRRRRRRREEEE AND I'LL HAVE ORGANIC CITRUS MANGO JUICE THAT I LIKE A LOT BECAUSE IT'S FREE DOWN THERE!!!!!!! 

Ken: Wow, that's hard to beat. 

Nagi: . Are you kidding?! I can do better than that! 

Ken: Then go, please. 

Nagi: I should be Sailor Moon because I have telekinetic powers! Thus, I can FLOAT all my enemies into the air and destroy them!!! 

Omi: And I will aid him as Sailor Omi, following him diligently and learning from his wonderful experiences! 

Ken: ….;-; you all have such good reasons to play Sailor Moon… 

Omi: Don't worry, Ken. I bet yours is as good as ours! 

Ken: ;-;… 

Yohji: Woot. First line of mine here. Uh, I should play Sailor Moon because I get a miniskirt. ^_~ And I KNOW some of you readers out there would die to see ME in a miniskirt…. 

Crawford: And some would die SEEING you in a miniskirt…

Aya: Like me… 

Yohji: .! Must you ruin my fans with your stupid male predicaments?! 

Crawford: You're a guy, too. 

Yohji: … 

Aya: It only just occurred to him. 

Yohji: *whack* SHUT UP! Er, besides, I get to hang around with lots of sexy people and other girls in miniskirts! 

Crawford: … 

Aya: … 

Omi: Come on, say why YOU should be Sailor Moon! 

Crawford: *looks at Aya* 

Aya: *looks at Crawford* 

Both: … 

Crawford: I should be Sailor Moon… 

Omi: YES!! 

Crawford: …'s evil nemesis. 

Nagi: DOH 

Aya: I too should be Sailor Moon's evil nemesis. 

Crawford: We can work together to 

FARFIE: SAILING FOR AGES WITH NO FOOD OR WOOOD, YO HO, WE'RE LOOKING FOR LAND, SPREADING THE WORD AND JUST TRYING TO BE GOOOOD, SAILING THE SEAS, WE'RE LOOOOKING FOR LAND!!! 

Crawford: o.0 uh… 

Farfie: OOODEEODELOOOO, OOODEEODELOOOO!!!! 

Aya: 0.o…er… 

Farfie: SAILIN' THE SEAS UNTIL WE FIND SOME LAAANNNDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Crawford: *WHACK* 

Farfie: ;-; *curls up in a corner* 

Aya: Good job. 

Omi: *makes odd vibrating purring noises like cats do* MEOW OW MEWW!! 

Nagi: o.O Omi?   
Omi: ^^;;; sorry. 

Crawford: …we can work together to destroy Sailor…whoever…by combining our evil geniuses and blowing Sailor whoever up. 

Aya: And slice them up. 

Crawford: Yes. And if we're NOT picked, somebody will die. 

Aya: Whoever's closest. 

All: …*back away nervously* 

Ken: I should be Sailor Moon because I'm the only one here who can fit into the original outfit! 

All: o.O 

Aya: What the HELL DOES THAT MEAN?!! 

Sakki: o.o;;;; ok, you two can be the evil badguys. 

Crawford+Aya: *high five* 

All: o.O 

Sakki: And I want Schu to be Sailor Moon. *runs off to play B&W* 

Schu: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!! YOHJI, YOU ARE SAILOR 

Farfie: Citrus Mango! 

Yohji: O.o I have razor wire! 

Schu: Omi! You are Sailor 

Farfie: Creature Guide! 

Omi: o.o I instruct animals…? 

Schu: Farf, shut up. Nagi, you are Sailor Mon

Farfie: key Ball! 

Nagi: ~_~;;; 

Schu: AND IN THE NAME OF THE – 

Farfie: WAIT! 

Schu: . WHAT?! 

Farfie: ;-; What about MY part? 

Schu: Oh. Uh…you can….uh…be the narrator. 

Farfie: YAY. Narrating Sailor Moon hurts God. 

Nagi: Schu, are you sure that's wise? 

Schu: It doesn't matter. Anyway, AND IN THE NAME OF THE 

Farfie: TAPE DISPENSER 

Schu: I SHALL DESTROY YOU!!!!! 

Farfie: BUT THEN CAME THE TWO EVIL BADGUYS, JADE AYA AND BRAD BERYL!!! 

All sans Brad: O.O?! ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ 

Crawford: -_- Change my name, Farf. 

Farfie: Too late. SO THEN CAME THE EVIL BAD GUYS WITH THEIR EVIL HENCHMEN AND HOARDES OF LAKES OF FIRIIIIIRRIRIRIEIREEEE!!!!!!!!! 

Crawford: Boo. 

Yohji: EEEE! *runs* 

Aya: … 

Schu: a HA!! EVIL PEOPLE!! I MUST DESTROY YOU! SUPER SEXY SCHULDICH MAGIC POWER ATTACK!!! 

Nagi: I'll back you up! TELEKENISIS MEGA POWERFUL SUPER DESTRUCTO-BLAST RAY!!! 

Omi: I'll help you, Nagi! MAGIC WONDERFUL WINGED GENKI DARTS OF DEATH!!! 

Aya: **(o.0) WTF?!! **

Crawford: Wow, they're really into this. 

Ken: and cheese! 

Crawford: *looks at Ken* …Sailor Senshi gone astray! *grab* 

Ken: O.O!!! 

Omi: O_O!! SAILOR SCHU! SAILOR KEN HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED! 

Yohji: I'LL SAVE HIM!!! INCREDIBLY SEXY ME BLAST BANG BOOM LAKE OF FIRE CHEESE ATACK!!!!!!!!!!! 

Crawford: *ducks and ties up Ken* 

Ken: ;-; 

Schu: GRR!! I SHALL GET YOU BACK FOR THAT!! *flying tackle* 

Crawford: GYAAAHHH *punch punch kick* 

Schu: *runs off* 

Aya: … 

Farfie: SO ONCE THE BAD GUYS HAD WON THE SAILOR SENSHI RAN OFF BECAUSE THEY WERE SCARED, BUT CAME BACK THE NEXT DAY BECAUSE BRAD BERYL HAD THREATENED TO FLING SAILOR KEN OFF THE TOP OF THE TOKYO TOWER!!! 

Crawford: o.o I did? 

Farfie: Yes: AND INTO A LAKE OF FIIIIIRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Aya: And I joined him. 

Crawford: MWAHAHAHAHA!!! 

Schu: HOLD IT! I AM SAILOR SCHU, AND IN THE NAME OF THE MONKEY GOD, I SHALL 

Farfie: BURN 

Schu: YOU!!! 

Crawford: Oh, God… 

Farfie: MUST BE HURT BY THE FACT THAT THIS IS A SHORT CHAPTER AND THAT SAKKI-SAN IS A LAZY IDIOT AND THAT BRITNEY SPEARS IS GOING TO DIE SHORTLY BECAUSE THE LITTLE MICE WHO LOVED HER FORGOT TO WORSHIP HER ONE DAY AND NOW SHE IS FADING BECAUSE SHE'S NOT POPULAR AND BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH AND I CHIHUAHUAED THE BREAD!!!!!! 

Ken: .!! What does that mean, to Chihuahua something?! 

Farfie: It means you take it to taco bell, WHICH GOD HATES BECAUSE HE PUT TACO BELLS HERE TO MAKE US UNHAPPY BUT NOW THAT WE FIGURED OUT WE CAN CHIHUAHUA STUFF HE'S MAD!!! 

Ken: …why? 

Farfie: …AND THEN BRAD BERYL KICKED SAILOR KEN OFF INTO THE LAKE OF FIRE!!!! 

Ken: O.O AAAAAA 

Schu: I'LL SAVE YOU!! *lunge* O_O I CAN FLY!!! 

Nagi: *floating him* .…. 

Aya: And the bad guys ran off 

Schu: together 

Crawford: .…to kill other Sailor Senshi. And Sakki-san. 

Schu: ^_^ And I got to 

Farfie: BURN IN THE LAKE OF FIREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

~FIN~ 

(Excessive lake of fire-ness because of the lack of it in the previous chapter.) 


	9. Omilocks and the three bearbishounenpig ...

SSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I didn't go to the school party. Go ME. 

Weiß Kreuz Fairy Tales 

Written by Sakki-san 

I am…um…not owning much of anything in this story. 

Schu: *singing* _Is__ it enough to love? Is it enough to breathe? Somebody rip my heart out, and leave me here to bleed, is it enough to die, somebody save my life! I'd rather be anything than ordinary, please…_

Crawford: -_- I hate you. 

Schu: ^_^ I know. 

Crawford: I REALLY hate you. 

Schu: ^_^ I knoow. 

Crawford: I really, REALLY hate you. 

Schu: DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR 

Crawford: … 

Omi: Ok! Let's get this show on the road! 

Yohji: But my car doesn't have any gas! 

Omi: ~_~;;; It's a figure of speech, baka. 

Yohji: …Yeah, I knew that! 

Ken: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!! 

All: o.0 (that can't be good…) 

Ken: ^___________^ Today I am the narrator! 

Omi: What?! Why?! 

Ken: ^___________^ Because Angel's Pain moved J-chan to tears, so Sakki's letting me narrate for once. 

Omi: ;-; I feel so unloved. 

Nagi: I'm here for you. 

Omi: ^_^ Thanks. 

Schu: Awww, sappy stuff! 

Nagi: *floats Schu into a wall* 

Schu: *thud* Ow *thud* ow *thud* ow 

Crawford: ….wait a minute. Angel's Pain made J-CHAN CRY?!! 

Ken: Well, not really. But she started feeling sympathy for me. 

Aya: O_O Not possible. 

Ken: Why not?! 

Crawford: J-chan is evil, emotionless, and sadistic. Feeling sympathy for you is like…..I dunno, Aya smiling for no reason. 

Aya: 

Yohji: WOAH. Unnatural occurance! 

Omi: *A-HEM* ANYWAY… 

Ken: Once upon a time, there were these three little bishounen. One of them was named Yohji. 

Yohji: :D 

Ken: Another was named Schuldich. 

Schu: ^______^ 

Ken: And the last was named Aya. 

Aya: -_- 

Ken: So there were these three bishounen, living in a lovely little house in the middle of a lovely little forest. 

Schu: EE 

Ken: One day they decided to go out for a walk. 

Yohji: *dragging Aya by the collar* Let's go for a walk! I hear there's some great chicks in the city! 

Schu: ! *follows* 

Ken: While they were gone, a little bishie going by the name of Omi was wandering down the road! 

Omi: O_O ME?!!! 

Ken: :) 

Omi: NOOOO!!!! 

Ken: This is getting back at you for all the times you did other crap to ME. So Omi was wandering down the road when he saw the house of the three bishounen! 

Omi: Hey, nice house. 

Ken: He went inside and saw, sitting on the table, three bowls of Cambell's (eh…pardon my spelling) Chicken Noodle Soup (©)! 

Omi: @_@ sooooouuup……. 

Ken: He tried the first bowl. 

Omi: AAAAA HOT HOT HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *runs around* 

Nagi: ;___; I WILL HELP YOU, OMI!! 

Crawford: No you won't. 

Nagi: *being restrained* OOOOMMIIIIIII!!!!!  

Ken: ^^;;;;; Then he tried the second bowl. 

Omi: *sip* Ahhh…nice and…@___@ COLD *runs around again* 

Nagi: !!! *floats the hot soup onto Crawford* 

Crawford: O.O *runs* 

Nagi: FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *runs away for no apparent reason* 

Ken: And finally he tried the third bowl. 

Omi: *sip……siiiiippppp…..SLURP* ^_^ Ah, just right! 

Ken: Yes, this last soup was just the right temperature. Omi finished off the bowl and set it right back down where it was. 

Omi: I hope nobody was going to eat that. 

Ken: Omi wandered around the house looking for a bed. Why? Because he was walking on marshmallow cheese cream, that's why. 

Omi: ….huh? 

Ken: I mean, because he was getting tired. 

Omi: …right-o… 

Ken: So he wandered into the bedroom and saw three beds. He tried out the first. 

Omi: …..ew…I don't even want to get ON this thing… 

Ken: *push* ON 

Omi: AAH! *sinks in* o.o! Too soft!!! 

Ken: He tried out the second bed. 

Omi: HFEEFFFLFLFLEFLFPFPFPFF!!! *sinking into the bed deeper* 

Nagi: *floats him out* I'LL SAVE YOU, OMI!!! *floats an orange into a wall many times, creating well-pulped orange juice* 

All: … 

Nagi: YEEHEEHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 

Crawford: *knocks Nagi out* 

Nagi: x_x 

Ken: Thanks. So he tried out the second bed. 

Omi: @_@ HARD *pokes it* …like a rock… 

Ken: …I believe that IS a rock…must be Aya's. 

Aya: _-_ 

Ken: Then Omi tried out the laaaast bed, which was JUUUUUSSST right. 

Omi: o^_^o  just right… zzzz 

Ken: Around ten minutes later, the three bishounen returned! 

Yohji: …*sniff* I smell intruder. Hey, somebody touched my soup. 

Aya: Somebody touched my soup. I happen to like it ice cold. 

Schu: …….AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEBODY DRANK ALL MY SOUP!!!!!!!! 

Yohji: So they did. 

Schu: *steals Aya's katana* THEY HAVE TO DIE!!! 

Yohji: Schu, calm down. 

Schu: THAT WAS MY DAMN SOUP, I DEMAND IT IS RETURNED TO ME WHETHER I HAVE TO CUT SOMEONE OPEN OR NOT!!! 

Aya: *takes back katana* Use your own sword. 

Ken: The three Bishounen headed upstairs and saw that their beds had been disturbed! 

Yohji: O_O IMPRINT 

Aya: The sheets have been moved by .000000000000000000000000000000000001 of an inch! 

Schu: There's someone SLEEPING in my BED!!! 

Yohji: *peers over* O.O So there is! 

Aya: Kill. 

Schu: ^_^ Nah. *grabs Aya and drags him off* 

Aya: O_O…._ LEGGO 

Ken: Your eggo? 

Aya: No, LET ME GO, SCHULDICH. 

Schu: ^_^ No 

Yohji: *drool* I must sleep with this young intruder…he's damn hot… 

Omi: *wakes up* *sees Yohji* O.O AH!! I'm sorry I didn't know you lived here! 

Yohji: ^_^ That's ok! *grabs Omi* 

Omi: o.o huh? 

Yohji: Without Nagi, you're mine! 

Omi: ….NAAAGGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!! 

Ken: And everybody was happy and eventually got soup! 

Crawford: Ken! 

Ken: What? 

Crawford: Quick, say 'The End'! 

Ken: *blink* Why? 

Crawford: Just do it, fast! 

Ken: Um…but…why? 

Crawford: Because – 

Farfie: I CAME AND NOW THE PSYCHOIRIDESCENT INSANITY WILL BEGIN BECAUSE I HAVEN'T HAD A LINE SINCE THE LAST STORY WHERE I GAVE THE NAMES OF ALL THE STUPID SAILOR SENSHI AND BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH AND WHERE I EXPLAINED ABOUT CHIHUAHUAING THINGS, RIGHT?!! WELL NOW I'M BACK AND I'M REALLY PISSED AND STRESSED AND HYPER BECAUSE I ATE ALL THE BREAD I GREW IN THE FIRST CHAPTER LAST NIGHT AND NOW I MUST GET OUT ALL OF MY VITAMN-Y ENERGY BEFORE IT CAUSES SOME SORT OF EXPLOSION THAT COULD KILL US ALL BECAUSE I AM MADE OF CARBON NIOXIDE, SULFUR, ORANGE PEELS, FUZZY ORANGE PEELS, FURRY ORANGE PEELS, AND ABOUT 438U0564315647380265437015649136541365341625-34156348-156348-1256489-13 OTHER DIFFERENT CHEMICALS AND SO YOHJI AND SCHU GOT WHAT THEY WANTED AND THE NEXT MORNING AT BREAKFAST WHERE THEY ALL ATE STRAWBERRY FLAVOURED POCKY THE THREE BISHOUNEN REVEALED THAT THEY WERE REALLY THE THREE LITTLE PIGS IN DISGUISE SECRETLY COSPLAYING AND DOUBLE AGENTING AS THE BIG BAD WOLF FROM THE SAME STORY PLAYING THE ROLE OF THE THREE LITTLE BEARS **ALL IN THE SAME OUTFIT, WHICH WAS TOTALLY AMAZING SEEING AS IT'S CLOSE TO IMPOSSIBLE TO COMBINE THEIR SKIN IN WITH FUR, ORANGE PEELS AND EVERYTHING ELSE ALONG WITH SPOTTY PIG SKIN AND THE COMBINED DNA OF POCKY AND A ROOSTER AND THE TWO BUNNIES THAT MULTIPLIED WHILE WAITING FOR THE CREDIT CARD TO CHECK INTO A MILLION LITTLE BABY BUNNIES THAT EVENTUALLY INHABITATED THE WORLD AND FLOODED US ALL AND DROWNED US ALL AND SUFFOCATED THOSE THAT DIDN'T DROWN BUT THEN WERE ALL EATEN BY THE MALE CAT KNOWN ONLY AS NEU-KITTY AND SOMETIMES NAGI WHO STOLE SCHU'S CRACK PIPE AND WE'RE ALL GOING TO EAT MARSHMELLOW CHEESE FLUFF BECAUSE I'M A PSYCHOIRIDESCENTINCANDESCENT PSYCHO!!! **

All: **0.0 **

Crawford: THAT'S why.

Farfie: AND THAT WAS THE END!!! 

~FIN~ 


	10. Schwarz Wars: Crawford goes BOOM!

It's a co-written fic! Between me, J-chan, and my good friend Zelly! (HINT: if you're a fan of Legend of Zelda, Parasite Eve, or FF9, look up Zayaince and read 'SNOWBOUND?!'!) 

Weiß Kreuz Fairy Tales 

Written by Sakki-san 

Uh…shouldn't you know what this means by now? I don't own anything. 

Farfie: X_x… 

Ken: o_O 

Crawford: He exploded last chapter. He can't do anything now. 

Aya: GOOD. 

Farfie: .........................;-; 

Aya: ¬_¬... *holds out katana* 

Schu: *sits on him* I'm narrating today! 

Aya: _! 

Omi: AWW 

Ken: o.o God save us all. 

Farfie: O_O. ..............;-; 

Ken: ^^;;; Sorry, Farf. 

Schu: *cough* Anyway.. Once upon a time, in a galaxy far far away..

Crawford: I figured out this was a Star Wars parody and decided to run before Schu made me his lover. 

Schu: Too late. 

Crawford: _ 

Schu: ^_^ Anyway, there was this young man called…Aya Skywalker. 

Aya: o.0 Me? 

Schu: Yes, you, dear. Anyway, he lived with his aunt and uncle on a planet far far away. Then one day.. Two droids came to his happy little home. 

Omi: O_O 

Nagi: _ I will NOT be a droid. 

Omi: ^_^ I don't mind. I'm still with you. 

Nagi: …^_^ 

Schu: …Anyway…O2-D2 held a weird message. 

Omi: *projects message* 

Crawford: "Help me, Yohji Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope!" ....I DID NOT SAY THAT. 

Aya: ...Yohji Wan Kenobi? Never heard of him. 

Omi: DUR. You have to go find him.

Nagi: ...

Omi: ...I mean, bleep.

Aya: ...o.0 insulted by a ROBOT?!! Why you little!! SHI-NE!!!

Schu: Calm down, young Skywalker. You're on a direct path to the dark side.

Aya: EH?! *turns around* ...Where did you come fro - O.O AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU

Schu: YES MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE LET'S CELEBRATE.

Ken: *raises his hand* ..I'm confused.

Schu: That's great. Anyway, Aya went off to find this elusive Yohji Wan, and BEHOLD.

Yohji: ..Hallo.

Aya: -_-

Yohji: AREN'T I SO SEXY?!

Aya: No. Omi, show him the message.

Crawford: Uh-uh. I'm not doing that again.

Schu: Do it... 

Crawford: Or what? 

Schu: ^_^ 

Crawford: ... 

Schu: ^_^ Or I get to screw you. And Aya. At the same time.

Aya: o.O WTF?!!

Sakki: Being narrator gives him this power. XD

Aya: SHI-NE!!!!!!!!!

Sakki: O_O PLOT!! STAY IN PLOT!!

Aya: OR WHAT?!

Schu: We went through this already.

Aya: ... 

Omi: *ACHEM. PLAYS MESSAGE.* 

Crawford: -_- *sigh...* "Help me, Yohji Wan Kenobi! You're my only hope!"

Yohji: ...WHY IS CRAWFORD WEARING A DRESS AND A WIG?!!

Crawford: _ *takes off the dress and wig* If I have to do this, I'm a prince, damnit. *walks off until needed again*

Yohji: O.o....

Yohji: O.o....

Schu: So Yohji Wan told young Aya that they must go rescue the handsome prince. But to reach where he was, they needed a space ship. And it's pilot. ...^_^

Yohji: ^_^

Schu: o.O What are you so happy about?

Yohji: ^_^ Dunno. you're cute.

Schu: DAMN STRAIGHT. Along with my is my assistant copilot, Kenbaka!

Ken: ...isn't it supposed to be 'Kenbacca'?

Schu: ....yeah, whatever.

Aya: I am not flying anywhere with HIM.

Ken: -_- RAAAAAAAAAAAR. (~ wookie noise)

Aya: o.o Ok, I will.

Ken: waaaarr.

Schu: And so we took off, carrying two pilots, two adventerurs, and two droids. That makes 6. 

Yohji: Where are the other two?

Farfie: ................I WAS...;-; I can't do it anymore...

Schu: ...Darth Farfie was attempting to retrieve information from Prince Crawford about unimportant things... Back to me. The Millenium Schwartz had entered the gravitational pull of the huge Death-

Farfie: TO GOD STAR!

Omi: ..Bleep....

Schu: O.o So we were sucked into the ..Death To God Star and the

Farfie: God Hurters.

Nagi: ...isn't that from Chapter 1?

Farfie: God hurters are EVERYWHERE!! MWUHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHA

Nagi: ....Ok...

Farf: AND WITH MANGO ORANGE JUICE I DANCED AROUND AND FOUND AN ALL CHOCOLATE ROLO!!!

Schu: ! BACK TO ME! We were pulled in and CAPTURED!!!

Crawford: -_- No, baka. They didn't capture you.

Schu: Damnit. I was hopping I'd be locked up with you..

Crawford: ...

Yohji: ;_; what about me?

Schu: ...Later. So anyway, the God hurters didn't find us and Yohji Wan went off to get rid of the..beam thing, N3PO and O2-D2 with Aya and I to find Crawford.

Ken: ..Me...?

Schu: Stay there and be a Wookie.

Zelly: *appears out of no where to 'entertain' Ken while everyone else is away*

Schu: ...o_O he's a WOOKIE.

Zelly: ...*un-Wookies him*

Schu: Moving on..

Schu: We decided to take a detour and land on Planet...Fuz!

Aya: o.O

Schu: Blame Sakki.

Aya: As always. SHI-NE!

Crawford: -_- I'll fix the story. You and Aya discovered my location and came to rescue me.

Nagi: While Omi and I stayed here and ..'kept watch'.

Omi: ..^_^

Yohji: ...Who am I again?

Aya: -_- Just don't bother.

Yohji: All right! *smokes*

Farfie: GO AND VISIT THE CAT WHICH IS TRYING TO EAT MY BREAD WHICH I GREW IN THE FIRST CHAPTER AND YES I SAVED SOME EVEN AFTER MY EXPLOSION AND KABOOM!!! WHY AM I STILL ALIVE EVEN AFTER I EXPLODED WITH MY 84391563489564935693456893454813568923456348925B64235 B63425B462356 34 DIFFERENT GASES COMBINED INSIDE ME?!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU ALL DIE BECAUSE OF THE CITRUS MANGO JUICE DEVOURED BY THE EVIL CARNIVOROUS SHEEP-MONKEYS THAT DECIDED TO EAT US ALL AND LOOK HERE THEY COME!!! *points at Ken*

Ken: *pre-occupied*

Schu: ...Um............right.

Farfie: SHANA!! And I hurt God. 

Schu: So Yohji Wan went in search of Darth Farfie.

Yohji: ..that's me right?

Schu: o.o I almost understand why Crawford's such an ass now.

Crawford: Good, you- WAIT

Schu: ^__^ I said almost. How can ANYONE be pissy with sexy ME around?

Aya: -_- Let's get on with the story..

Schu: ~_~ So we rescued the Prince and he fell INSTANTLY in love with me.

Crawford: No I didn't.

Schu: Yes, you did.

Crawford: NO I DIDN'T.

Schu: Oh yes you did ^_^

Crawford: NO.

Schu: Yes yes. Give in, or I'll use my jedi mind tricks on you.

Crawford: ...Jedi mind tricks?! You're a fucking telepath!!!

Schu: PREEECISELY!! ^____^

Crawford: -_____- this is so wrong.

Schu: OBVIOUSLY

Crawford: Not that, I mean the story..

Schu: .....So you agree that being in love with me isn't wrong?

Crawford: .....I NEVER SAID THAT.

Schu: ^_^ Too late!

Yohji: ;_;

Omi: -_- BLEEEP.

Nagi: =O Omi, you naughty thing..

Omi: ^_^

Aya: *has wandered far far away by this time*

Schu: *watches* ...and right off the back of the ship!

Aya: O_O

Nagi: o_O He's even more frightening than usual with narrating powers..

Farfie: GIVE THEM TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Schu: NO, THEY'RE MINE DAMN YOU!!!

Farfie: ;_; why don't I get to be the narrator?

Yohji: Because you have unlimited force powers?

Farfie: ...oh. Right. *FLING!*

Yohji: YAAAAAAAAAAAA *crashes into wall*

Nagi: _. Those are MY powers.

Crawford: Can we just get this over with..?

Schu: Anxious, are we?

Crawford: ..........................

Crawford: Get. Away.

Schu: Narrating powers! ^___^ And then Prince Crawford and I flew off to the Planet of SEX!

Crawford: NOOOOOOOOOO!! THERE IS NO PLANET OF SEX

Schu: There is now.

Yohji: ;________________; Can't I go too?

Crawford: !! The story is all WRONG.

Schu: *GRIN* ok! ...wait... help me keep Crawford restrained. 

Crawford: I AM GOING NO WHERE!!! THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN IN THE STORY.

Schu: ^___^ We can stretch the truth, my sexy little Star Wars geek.

Crawford: NO.

Aya: (smart move...)

Farfie: FOR YOU HAD HALLUCINOGENIC MUSHROOMS AND A FURRY ORANGE PEEL WHICH HAD BEEN CHIHUAHUAED THREE DAYS AGO AND NOW WE'RE BEING INVADED BY EVIL TOT BUNNIES FROM MARS!!!

Nagi: O.O TOT?! WHERE?!!!

Omi: BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

Schu: ¬_¬ Now, Omi, language like that isn't appropriate.

Omi: _ bleep bloop. (translation: you swear, too.) 

Schu: ...

Schu: ...I am also narrator. 

Ken: *loud, random wookie noise*

All: O_O

*Silence*

Schu: ........Right......

Yohji: *ties up Crawford*

Crawford: O_O..._ NO I WILL NOT GO THE STORY IS ALL WRONG AND I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH SCHU BECAUSE THERE IS NO PLANET SEX AND I DID NOT FORSEE ANY OF THIS **OR **PLANET SEX BEING CREATED SO IT CANNOT HAPPEN. I HATE YOU ALL SO FUCKING MUCH AND ONE DAY I'M GOING TO KILL YOU WHEN YOU'RE ASLEEP JUST LIKE THE RANDOM HIPPIES WHO ALWAYS TRY TO TELL ME THAT PEACE IS GOOD BUT IT ISN'T BECAUSE THERE IDIOTS LIKE THE SEVEN OF YOU WHO NEED TO DIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Farfie: IN A LAKE OF FI...................NO I AM NOT WORTHY.

Schu: o.O Hippies?!

Aya: He lived in America.

Schu: Explains much.

Omi: ..What's a hippie...?

Nagi: They're stupid and they smoke. Like Yohji.

Yohji: o.o ...huh?

Omi: ...I see.

Schu: WIEDERKEHR!

All: o.0 Huh??

Schu: ^_^

Omi: What does it mean?

Schu: Return. As in, RETURN TO ME, MY LOVELY SCHOKOLADE FLUSSKREBS!!

Crawford: *attempts to run*

Schu: *grabs him* ONWARD TO PLANET SEX!

Crawford: *screams unintelligible english*

Schu: *returns with unintelligible German*

Yohji: ..WAIT FOR ME!! *runs after them*

Aya: ....There is no justice in this.

Crawford: OBVIOUSLY, SAVE ME AND I'LL GIVE YOU A TAKATORI PINATA AND VOODOO DOLL!!

Aya: O_O

Aya: *KILL!!!!!*

Schu: O_O BACK!! ^_^ *ties up Aya, too*

Omi: O_o Bleep..

Nagi: ..Let's go before he ties us up too.

Farfie: Schu! TIE ME UP! IT WILL HURT GOD.

Schu: O_O....Um....uh.......OK.

Farfie: EEE

Ken: *suddenly comes back comes back, looking dazed* @_o What did I miss?

Schu: Ah! I'll take Ken too! *proceeds to tie him up*

Ken: AAHHH

Zelly: *appear* *bites Schu, grabs Ken and runs away*

Yohji: QUICK, END THE FIC .

Crawford: KIDSYU8D689YES89TR79SETYRESYTFRSYTREATYRWAPTY UR98ASDTYRESUYTRESAHYTRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~FIN!~

~KUDOS TO ZELLY AND J-CHAN!~ 


	11. Weiss Kreuz: Blame the hat!

^o^ Brad's gonna kill meeeee…. 

Weiß Kreuz Fairy Tales 

Written by Sakki-san 

NYOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!! I live!!! 

….for those of you who were wondering where I was for the past month and a half, I was in England. -_- Send me e-mails. 

How to make your own Weiss parody of Weiss: 

1. Find a handy sheet of paper. (Any siblings' homework, important bills, or family Christmas letters will do just fine.) 

2. Tear off eight small pieces. (About the size of half a pen is good.) 

3. Write the names of Weiss and Schwarz on the slips and then again on the remaining paper. (One name per paper.) 

4. Find a hat. (Baseball hat, mother's best Sunday hat, chareteuse wombat…) 

5. Put the eight pieces of paper in the hat and mix them up. (With your hand. Using a spoon or two does not work well.) 

6. Pull out one slip of paper. Write whatever name is on that slip next to the name Aya on the large remaining piece of paper. (If you draw Aya for Aya, put the paper back and draw another.) 

7. Do this for all eight boys. (Boys? Men? Fools?) 

8. Put the hat back where you found it. (That or the cat's litterbox, depending on who it belongs to.) 

9. Throw away the slips with the names on them. (Or use them to light a fire somewhere.) 

10. Eat the remaining paper. (This way it doesn't go to waste.) 

  
Aya: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Omi: O_O What's wrong, Aya?! 

Aya: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Omi: O_O... 

Aya: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Brad: Aya, if you don't shut up and tell us what the problem is, I'm going to hurt you. 

Aya: Do you think I care?! I learned what today's parody is!!! 

Yohji: What is it? 

Aya: US! 

All: … 

Schu: ….what? 

Aya: WE HAVE TO SWITCH ROLES AND PLAY EACH OTHER!!!!!!! 

Schu: …..*laughs maniacally* This will be fun! 

Aya: But we don't get to pick who we play. 

Schu: O_O *stops laughing* Oh, shit. 

Sakki-san: *holding her Spanish camp hat* MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!! 

Brad: DEAR GOD!!! 

Farf: Parodies of Weiss hurt God… 

Sakki-san: ^_^ Ok! Now remember that I drew these totally at random and therefore you can't blame me for anything. 

Nagi: We can blame you for coming up with this stupid idea… 

Sakki-san: Yes, but you can't blame me for drawing the names as such because it wasn't purposeful. *hands Omi a list and runs off, cackling maniacally* 

Omi: …*SOB* 

Ken: What? What's wrong? *sees list* O.O oh….  

Brad: List the parts. Maybe it'll be easier this way. 

Omi: ;-; Aya, you play Farf. 

Aya: o.**O WHAT?!?!?!!! **

Farf: NYOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!!! 

Aya: DEAR GOD NO!!! 

Farf: GOD IS NOT DEAR!!! LEARN YOUR PART! 

Omi: Stop bickering, you two. ;-; I…I have to…I have to play YOHJI! 

Yohji: *sputter* WHAT?! But…but…but…you lack all sex appeal! The girls won't flock to you like they do to me!! You don't smoke!!! You don't drink!!!! My god, man, I'll have to teach you all of this!!! 

Omi: O_O Don't you dare. You have to play Brad. 

All: ................................................................................................. 

Brad: .....................................................WHAT? 

Yohji: *stares, cigarette falling from his mouth* 

Omi: ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;………………………….. 

Yohji: …..NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T PLAY SOME TOTALLY UN-SEXY AMERICAN SQUARE!!! *breaks down crying* 

Schu: Hey, he's not un-sexy!....usually… 

Brad: =________________= 

Omi: Well….Ken, you play me. 

Ken: Not bad. *plays around with making his hair like Omi's* 

Omi: Brad… 

Brad: =_= 

Omi: …you play Ken. 

Brad: …great, I get to be some ex-J-league hyperactive jock… 

Ken: Hey! 

Omi: Schu? 

Schu: O_O! 

Omi: …you play Nagi. 

Schu: ……..AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW 

Nagi: Oh, DAMN. 

Schu: I don't wanna play Nagi. 

Omi: Too bad. Farf, you play Aya. 

Farf: ^_^ hee hee hee…I play him…he plays me…what a coincidence…God will be bleeding… 

Aya: -__________________________________________________- 

Omi: o.o Aya, your face will be stuck like that. And Nagi pla – O_O 

Nagi: I play Schu, don't I? He's the only one left. *whines* This is so HORRIBLE. 

Schu: You play me and I play you, calm down, I'll teach you how to flirt with Brad… 

Brad: *sigh* 

Omi: Well, let's get going…what episode are we parody-ing? 

Sakki-san: No episode…YOUR LIVES!!! NYOHOHOHOHO!!!!!! 

All: *groan* 

*'Weiss' is at the flower shop, dressed in their t-shirts, jeans, and aprons. The usual pack of squealing girls are there.* 

Farf: *watering blood on the roses* … 

Girls: EEEEE!!!! 

Omi: *looks….flirtatious* =) 

Girls: EEEEE!!!! 

Brad: *carries a huge pot from one side of the room to another* … 

Girls :EEEEE!!!! 

Ken: *arranges flowers* =^_^= 

Girls: EEEEE!!!! 

All four: *thinking* This is the stupidest thing I have ever done. 

Brad: I don't get it! How can you stand this flock of evil creatures every day?! 

Ken: Badly. 

Omi: -_- Stay in character, guys…please… *attempts to flirt with a flock of screaming girls* 

Brad: *sigh…* …… 

Girls: *gather around Farf, screaming* 

Farf: ………..this……makes……..God……l – 

Omi: *glare!* 

Farf: ………BUY SOMETHING OR LEEEEEAVE 

Girls: OOOO, AYA SO SCARYYYYY!!!!!!! 

Farf: ….*cringes away* 

Brad: *being glomped by girls* g-g-g-go awaaaayyy…. 

*at the Schwarz apartment. Two of 'Schwarz' are sitting around, while the other two are missing. Screaming is coming from down a hall.* 

Yohji: -_-… 

Nagi: … 

Yohji: …aren't you supposed to be throwing yourself at me? 

Nagi: Dear God, I hope not. 

Aya: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Schu: JUST PUT IT ON!!!! 

Nagi: Why is he being so obstinate? 

Yohji: Hey, I'M not enjoying this suit. You might be enjoying the nice jacket and stuff, but do you have any idea where they might have been? 

Nagi: …..oh……….my…….*squirms* 

Schu: *comes out of another room, wearing a gray outfit like Nagi's* ^_^ I did it! 

Nagi: What? Got him to wear the vest? 

Schu: ^_^ Mhm. Complete with the bandages n' stuff. 

Aya: *staggers out in Farf's clothes* God help me. 

Schu: Ah-ah-ahhh! You need to be in CHARACTER. 

Aya: ……….-_- wearing Farf's clothes hurts God. 

Schu: ^_^ Much better! 

Nagi: Stop smiling. I don't smile so much. 

Schu: ….awww…I just remembered that…But I smile a LOT! So SMILE, Nagi! 

Nagi: ….*attempts to smile* 

Yohji: *watches* …keep trying… 

Schu: *sits, and tries to look Nagi-ish* …-_-……XD!!! I can't do this!! *laughs* 

Aya: -________- *plays with that strap tied to both legs* 

Schu: XD XD XD!!! ^_^;;; Aya, c'mon, lick a knife! 

Aya: ……………*pulls one out* ……………o_o……… 

Yohji: Go on, do it. 

Nagi: Hey, I'M supposed to be saying that. YOU'RE supposed to be a stiff American business-person. 

Yohji: … 

Schu: That's the spirit. Brad's always constipated. 

Aya: ….. *licks knife* …._@.... 

Nagi: Oh, c'mon. It wasn't that bad. 

Aya: No…I liked it… 

All: ….o.o…. 

~~~ 

*back at the flower shop. It's after-hours.* 

Farf: *twitch* 

Omi: …ug….I can't *do* this… 

Brad: You think you've got it bad?! I have to play a jock! 

Omi: And I'm sure you were a nerd in high school. 

Brad: … 

Ken: …HAH, YOU WERE!! XD!!!!! 

Brad: It's not nice to make fun of people! 

Farf: But it hurts God… 

Omi: Stay in character, Farf. 

Ken: XD 

Brad: -_- They always make fun of the smart kids…*suddenly stands up* But I got my revenge!! 

Ken: *snort snort* By doing what?! SMARTING them to death?! *cracks up again* 

Brad: No…I sabotaged their homes with stink bombs and – 

Ken: *falls off his chair* 

Omi: …^^;;;;;…. Calm down, Ken – Omi… 

Brad: ….and I destroyed their lives through the computer. *breaks into maniacal laughter* ((The authoress freaks out and runs away screaming at this thought because she often thinks Brad is scarier than Farf.)) 

Omi: That wasn't very nice… 

Brad: *sits down again* Hah! They were all jocks and preps and the kind I eat for breakfast! 

Farf: Mmm….you should have let ME kill them. First I'd – 

Omi: *glare* 

Farf: …I mean…shi-ne. 

Ken: *passes out* 

Omi: …Aya, put Omi in his room, would you? 

Farf: Why me? Why not YOU, you flirt?! 

Omi: …uh...it would…not be…good…for…popularity… 

Brad: *groan* 

Omi: Well, now you're a jock…you're built like one, you know? 

Brad: O_O What?! 

Omi: Uh, I-I mean, you're really strong! A-and muscley? 

Brad: …you really think so? *looks in the mirror* …by George, you're right! 

Farf: *drags Ken-Omi upstairs and answers the phone halfway down* ((…my cat has taken my hand hostage…ow…he's heavy and he's LYING on the fonging thing…)) Hello, kitties in the house, how can I help you? *listens* Mhm….yes….ya…who am I? I'm Aya. ….yup. bye bye. 

Omi: o-O F – Aya, wh ((OWWWW, DON'T BITE ME YOU FONGING CAT!)) at's the matter? 

Farf: o_o We have a…mission. But so does…Schwarz. 

Brad: Don't waste any time, then! Get Omi and let's go! 

Omi: *hands out weapons* 

Brad: …..*whimper* 

~THE END…FOR NOW~   
  
Of course I'll write a second part, I'd never be so evil as to leave you hanging. 

…wait. Yes I would. 


	12. Weiss Kreuz Part Two: FarfGod Talk Nucl...

Since I'm bored out of my fonging mind, I'll write another chapter. 

Weiß Kreuz Fairy Tales 

Written by Sakki-san 

Considering that my internet's not working either, I should be bored… 

I just spent the last hour or so playing a very bloody round of Black & White, so expect a violent yet humorous chapter. 

Before I get to the chapter (Readers: *GROAN*), I'm going to take some time to answer questions/comments/really weird random remarks that I've gotten in reviews. 

To start: 

Zelly: …………….that is adorable. (read the review. You'll know why) Ken-kitty: *swats at sneeze*   
Me: ……AWWWWWWWWWWWW 

J-chan: In fact, no, I do *not* know your e-mail, J-chan dear. 

Makoto Kudou: You have been one of the most helpful commenters – now just what did Aya say there at the end of that review? 

Fei: o_O You don't need to threaten me – I have plenty of friends who will beat me up in real life if I leave them hanging. Trust me, it'll be in this chapter. 

Chen-Too: I don't know. Should he? *ponders this* Yotan'd like it… 

Katt: First show me some of my competitors. Then maybe I'll let you make it. 

Min: Start leaving some pointful comments, dear. I'd *hate* to take back those human rights I sold to you. 

Bombay: ^_^ Of course Ken gets a lead part. Just not in this one. o_o Where should Ken get  a lead part? *ponders this* 

Kobura Dragon: That might not be a bad idea… 

Katrina Himeko: I'm going to steal your review. Is that ok? 

Akari: Keep reminding me about that, I'm getting worse and worse at putting in the lake of fire. 

And as for all the rest of you WONDERFUL commenters who have kept me alive since I started posting….^_^ if you leave reviews that make me go o_o I'll answer YOUR questions, too. 

Now then, onto the story! 

Farf: *twitching* This coat makes God laugh! 

Crawford: So why do YOU care? Aya wears it all the time, and you're Aya. 

Farf: …waaaaaahhhhhhhh 

Ken: *fingers a dart* I don't know if I can do this. 

Crawford: You were a soccer goalie. You have good reflexes. 

Ken: Yeah, but reflexes are used for dodging. 

Crawford: Well, you used to kick the ball, too. 

Ken: I'm just gonna LOVE seeing how you handle my claws. 

Crawford: *clenches fist* Not too hard, is it? *slices off his goggles* ….oh, shit. 

Omi: Will you two shut up?! 

Crawford+Ken: No. 

Omi: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Ken: Fine, fine. *tries to use the hand held computer* 

Computer: *BEEP* ERROR. 

Ken: …

All: o.o… 

Computer: *BOOM* 

All: O.O 

Omi: Ken, what did you DO?! 

Ken: I pressed the 'on' button. 

Omi: Why did the hat have to draw YOU as me?! 

Crawford: Because it's cursed or something. 

Farf: Cursed hats hurt – 

All: YOU'RE AYA, DON'T SAY IT. 

Farf: ………-_-… 

Crawford: *grumbles* 

Voice in the bushes: OW! God damnit! 

All: O_O *leap up and hide* 

Omi: What was that?! *readies wire* 

Other voice in the bushes: Stop trying to untangle yourself and just cut it, baka! 

Voice in the bushes: Dammit…dammit…dammit…OW! 

Third voice in the bushes: *laughing*  

Voice in the bushes: Shi-ne! 

WOW a fourth voice in the bushes: Farf doesn't say 'shi-ne'. 

Voice in the bushes: THIS @$&%ING OUTFIT HURTS GOD, THEN!!! 

Ken: Wait! I know that voice! 

Crawford: We *ALL* know who that is. 

All: *leap into a clearing!* 

… 

*and abruptly all facefault.* 

Aya: *is caught halfway in a tree by the bandages on his arms and chest, and struggling to get out* 

Schu: *laughing so hard he's collapsed on the ground* 

Nagi: *trying to help untangle Aya* 

Yohji: *watching* 

Crawford: What in the… 

Farf: *giggles* 

Omi: *DARK LOOK* 

Farf: ….-_-…. 

Aya: *looking ready to cry by this time* God-f@$^ing-dammit! 

Nagi: *frustrated beyond belief* Why, for the last time, can't you just CUT these?! 

Aya: Because Schuldich – um, Nagi – said if I did he'd…erm... 

Yohji: ….said he'd do what? ^_^ 

Aya: IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, NOW UNTANGLE THESE!!! 

Omi: SCHWARZ! 

All 'Schwarz': *jump* EH?! 

Ken: …uh…YOU EVIL BASTARDS, DIE!!! *throws darts at Yohji* 

Yohji: O.O 

Ken: *misses by five feet* 

Yohji: ….AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! 

Ken: O_O I didn't know Crawford laughed like that. 

Crawford: I don't. 

Yohji: *pulls out his gun* =D This is a perk to being an American. They all carry guns. 

Ken: O_O OH GOD! 

Omi: *fires string* 

String: *goes berserk and ends up tying Omi up* 

Omi: O_O ARGH! *fires it again* 

String: *FWEEEEEE!!!!* 

Nagi: *suddenly tangled in wire* …o_o…what the… 

Omi: AHA!...*can't move* !!! 

Aya: *still tangled* 

Crawford: -_- *sigh* 

Aya: o.o…. 

Crawford: *walks in Aya's direction, claws out* 

Aya: O_O *desperately pulls at the bandages* GOD-@$&*ING-DAMMIT!!! 

Crawford: *slice slice slice* 

Aya: !!!....*falls to the ground, all free of tangle-ness* …o_o? 

Crawford: There, now we can fight. 

Aya: ….oh. *pulls out knives* 

*since Crawford and Aya are probably the only adequate fighters with their newly-gained weapons (even though Brad's a bit rusty with the whole claw deal), they actually start a logical fight. Picture it for yourself, because the only way I can describe it would not be much of a humorous fight.* 

Schu: *laughing on the ground still* 

Ken: *looks at Schu* ………….um….. 

Schu: *realizes Aya's not tangled anymore* O_O *leaps up* ….=D 

Ken: O_O…*tries to run away* 

Schu: Don't run away! *attempts to float Ken* 

Ken: *crashes into a tree* .…. 

Schu: *fist in the air* YES! 

Yohji: Um…I think he was just clumsy, Sch – Nagi… 

Schu: …so?! *leaps at Ken* 

Ken: AAAA!!! *throws darts* 

*and so a vicious, rabid, and mainly humorous fight ensued, with Yohji and Farf randomly mutilating each other with bullets and a katana, Omi and Nagi pretending to viciously wound each other, Ken fleeing from Schu and running into random trees, and Crawford and Aya actually fighting until they realize what their teammates are doing* 

Both: … 

Crawford: …*looks at Aya* You look pretty uncomfortable like that. 

Aya: I am. This is *not* my usual wear. 

Crawford: Obviously. What say we go get you some better clothes? 

Aya: o.o…. 

Crawford: Just a suggestion. 

Aya: …alright… *suspicious look* 

Crawford: *seizes Aya and walks off* 

Aya: O.O AAH! 

*the rest continue to fight, oblivious to Aya's screaming.* 

~~~ 

*three hours later, and they're still at it. Aya and Crawford are still gone.* 

Omi: grr….*blinks* Hey, where'd Aya go? 

Nagi: *blinks* I don't know. And Crawford's gone, too. 

Omi: ….you know what this means, right? 

Nagi: No, but I really *could* use some sunglasses like Lord Ilpalazzo… 

Omi: No, that's not it! *whisperwhisper* 

Nagi: O.O oh… 

Omi: ^_^ 

Nagi: …*walks off with Omi right behind him* 

Farf: HEY, DON'T LEAVE!!! *turns to Yohji* YOU MADE THEM GO AWAY, SHI-NE!!! 

Yohji: O_O Wow, you're really into this part! 

Farf: Who's talking about a part? 

Yohji: …O_O God Almighty! 

Farf: ….*twitch* 

Schu: *gets cut* OW! God damn you, Omi! 

Farf: …o.O 

Ken: *narrowly misses running into another tree…he's being chased in circles around the clearing* AAAAAH! GOD SAVE ME!! 

Farf: ….*jerks* 

Yohji: …? 

Schu: *laughs* I'm gonna catch you! Better start praying! 

Farf: …_@... 

Ken: *whirls, lunges, and suddenly they two are fighting on the ground* You little devil! I'll send you so far under the ground God won't be able to find you for judgement! 

Farf: …@_… 

Schu: Hah, I'd like to see a naïve little angel like you try it! 

Yohji: …hey, guys? Um, I think you shouldn't – 

Ken: You God damned bastard! 

Schu: Pray for your life, you little rat! 

Ken: God cursed manwhore! 

Schu: Angelic little bitch! 

Yohji: Ken?? Schu?! 

Schu: *has an arm positioned up, ready to punch Ken in the face* 

Ken: *has both hands around Schu's neck* 

Both: What?! 

Yohji: *points at Farf* 

Both: *look* 

Farf: *twitching madly* …_@....@_…_@_…@__@... 

Both: …oh my God... 

Farf: **…O_O… **

Yohji: o_o! *ducks and hides* 

Schu+Ken: …uh oh… 

Farf: *explodes* **HOW DARE YOU USE GOD'S NAME SO MANY TIMES IN ONE FIGHT AND SAY THAT HE'S THE ETERNAL JUDGER OF ALL!!! I WILL KILL YOU FOR SAYING THAT AND THEN YOU'LL END UP BURNING IN THE ****LAKE**** OF ****FIRE****!!!!!!! JUST LIKE BRITNEY SPEARS WHO NEVER REALLY GOT OUT AND HER LITTLE MOUSIE FRIENDS WHO STILL WORSHIP HER DESPITE THE FACT THAT SHE'S DEAD, WHY IN FACT THEY'VE CREATED MANY SEVERAL LITTLE SHRINES TO HER IN VARIOUS PLACES AROUND THE WORLD MAINLY FIXATED IN AMERICA BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE SHE WAS BORN AND THE AMERICAN CULTURE IS FLOURISHING IN AN EXPLOSION OF SKIERS CRASHING INTO TREES AND GOING BOOM JUST LIKE KEN DID WHEN HE HIT THAT FIRST TREE AND NOW IT'S ALL MUTILATED AND IT'S GOING TO COME TO LIFE JUST LIKE IN WARCRAFT III AND KILL US ALL FOR WE ARE THE PATHETIC HUMANS WHO LIKE MONTY PYTHON WHICH HAS ALTERED OUR CULTURE SO MADLY WELL AND THE COMBINED POCKY DNA WITH A ROOSTER AND A LAKE OF FIIRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE AND BRAD AND AYA PROBABLY ALREADY SCREWED BY THIS TIME OR PROBABLY MORE THAN ONCE BECAUSE I SAW BRAD TAKING PILLS THIS MORNING AND THEY MIGHT HAVE BEEN VIAGRA WHICH IS SPOKESMANED BY AL GORE WHO IS GOING TO DIE AND ISN'T PRESIDENT WHICH MAKES HIM SAD AND I COULD HAVE SAID A LOT MORE RANDOM STUFF BUT NOW I'M RUNNING OUT OF AIR SO BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AND A LAKE OF FIREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *passes out* **

Ken, Schu, and Yohji: **O_O **

Farf: X_x 

Yohji: …let's return the clothes, go back to our normal positions, bring everyone home, and swear never to do or speak of this ever again. 

Ken and Schu: *nod* 

~THE END~ 

Next parody will be based on review input. And no, I won't do an Excel Saga parody until I've SEEN the fonging show. 

Oh, and anyone who draws a picture related to/out of this story will get a chapter done to their exact request and dedicated to them. I will write ANY parody for anybody who draws out of this. T_T It would make me ever so happy. And wouldn't you just LOOVE to have a chapter with YOUR pick of characters? ^___^ 


	13. The Plot Runs Away Again: Return of the ...

_@...I think I'm gonna die in a minute here… 

Weiß Kreuz Fairy Tales 

Written by Sakki-san 

About the picture deal: Who said anything about quality? ^o^ I don't care if they're stick figures with vague resemblance to the characters and text. ^o^ Gotta have text. 

Schu: ………………………………..nnnnnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 

Aya: ~_~ What now? 

Schu: I RAN OUT OF TOOTHPASTE!!! 

*mass facefault* 

Schu: T_T I needed that toothpaste… 

Aya: Are you drunk?! 

Schu: I DON'T KNOW, AM I?! 

Yohji: Yup. He's drunk. 

Crawford: Dammit… 

Aya: So what kind of parody are we supposed to do with a drunk Schu? 

Ken: One that doesn't include him? 

Crawford: Sounds great. 

Omi: Ok…well, first come, first serve. 

Schu: LOVE HINA!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

All: O.O 

Omi: …*gets a script* ((Author's Note: Keep in mind that I've only seen 4 episodes but have many friends who have seen many.)) 

Ken: Woah, hey, we're not doing a Love Hina parody!! 

Omi: I said first come first serve. 

Crawford: *bashes Omi in the back of the head with the steel 2 by 4* 

Omi: X_X 

Farfie: IT'S THE RETURN OF THE STEEL 2 BY 4!!!!!! 

Readers: *cheer* 

Aya: O_O Where did *they* come from? 

Yohji: I wouldn't know. But they're mostly women. *flirts* 

Readers: *_____________________________________* 

Crawford: …all…right… 

Nagi: OMI!!!!!!!! *cling* WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU?! 

Crawford: …(Can I hit him, too?) 

Schu: (Go ahead.) 

Crawford: *BASH!* 

Nagi: X_X *collapses on top of Omi* 

Yohji: *takes picture* 

Crawford: *leans on steel 2 by 4* Now that that's out of the way… 

Aya: *sees Crawford* ……………… 

Crawford: …what? 

Aya: *GLARE* 

Crawford: …Oh yeah… 

Schu: …*looks back and forth between them* …O_O… 

Crawford: …huh? 

Schu: I know what you two did yesterday when you ran off!!! 

Crawford: o_O What the hell are you talking about? 

Aya: ¬ ¬… 

Schu: You two – 

Crawford: NO, we did NOT. 

Schu: But – 

Crawford: I said we did NOT. 

Schu: Then why – 

Crawford: Are you deaf, Schuldich? 

Schu: No, but – 

Crawford: THEN SHUT UP. 

Schu: I refuse to shut up! 

Crawford: *readies the 2 by 4* 

Schu: HAH, YOU CAN'T SCARE ME, I AM UNSCARABLE! 

Farfie: *sneaks up behind Schuldich and raises a puppet* 

Crawford: *pulls back for a swing* 

Schu: *laughs* I AM NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHING!!! 

Farfie: *in high pitched voice* HeLlO, sChUlDiCh…LeT's HaVe A tEa PaRtY… 

Schu: O_O…*turns around*…**O_O……………..AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *passes out* **

Yohji: I told you he was drunk. 

Farfie: *giggles* 

Ken: Well, at least nobody *else* here is afraid of puppets. Right, Aya? ….Aya? 

Aya: *has leapt into Crawford's arms and his visibly frightened, staring at the puppet* 

Crawford: .… 

Farfie: ^o^…*creeps closer to Aya and Crawford* HeLlO, aYa…Do YoU wAnT tO hAvE a TeA pArTy? 

Aya: *clings to Crawford's head tighter* 

Crawford: *can't breathe* .!!! 

Farfie: AwWwW, cOmE oN, aYa! LeT's HaVe A tEa PaRtY!!! wE cAn EaT cAkE aNd IcE cReAm… 

Aya: *squeaks, his skin much whiter than usual* ((O_O that's pretty white)) 

Crawford: *can just barely breathe now* 

Farfie: …AnD hAvE tEa AnD **tEa AnD tHeN wE cAn Go OuT tO vIsIt A fUnNy FaRm OuT iN tHe LaKe Of FiRe WhErE tHe PuPpEtS rUlE! **

Aya: *screams* 

Crawford: FARF, STOP. 

Farfie: *giggles and puts away the puppet* 

Aya: *shaking in Crawford's arms* 

Crawford: … 

Yohji: ^o^ *takes another picture* 

Crawford: O_O HEY! I want that picture returned to me as soon as it's developed, and then I want the negatives! 

Yohji: No such luck, Crawford! I want THIS one for my PERSONAL album! 

Ken: o_O What all do you have in that album, Yohji? 

Yohji: Mainly pictures of women, but also some embarrassing stuff you guys have done. 

Ken: O_o Like what? 

Yohji: Just a second! *runs off and comes back shortly with a big thick purple book with 'Memories' on the cover* 

Crawford: ¬ ¬ Memories of what? 

Yohji: Women, wine, song, and the guys at the shop… *flips open the book* Let's see. Here's that one picture of Ken buried under a pile of girls who wanted the handkerchief he dropped and tried to pick up… 

Ken: O_O HEY!!! 

Crawford: *puts Aya on the floor and looks* …*snicker* 

Farfie: *peers over Yohji's shoulder* …hehehe… 

Yohji: O_O!...Oh. Geeze, Farf, ya scared me. 

Aya: *shivers* puppet...evil... 

Yohji: Ok, and then here's the picture of Omi being cornered by Ouka and was forced to fend her off with a boquet of roses… 

Ken: *SNORK* 

Omi: *stirs* 

Farfie: *kicks him* 

Omi: …zzz… 

Farfie: … *drags Nagi and Omi off by their hair* 

Nagi: …zzz… 

Omi: @_@...zzz… 

Yohji: Thanks, Farf. Now then…there's this one of Aya getting yelled at by Manx because she thought he was hitting on her… 

~Time passes~ 

Yohji: …and then Burman actually slapped him! I mean, all he was doing was asking her why they had to go save some girl who was obviously not in need of saving, just because of her looks! *chugs a beer* 

Crawford: Well, isn't that how you work? 

Yohji: Most of the time. 

Ken: …hey, where'd the beer come from? 

Yohji: I dunno. It generally just appears when time passes. 

Aya: *still on the floor, just on his side now* puppet…evil… 

Farfie: *carving weird, intricate symbols into a bunny* 

Schu: *passed out on the floor, twitching occasionally* 

Omi: *off somewhere, passed out, with Nagi* 

Nagi: *off somewhere, passed out, with Omi* 

Readers: @_____________@ 

Schu: *wakes up* …? 

Farfie: *sees this* ….=D 

Schu: O_O…. 

Crawford: ¬ ¬ Farf… 

Farfie: …=( *sits* 

Schu: *relieved* So, watcha doing? 

Yohji: Drinking, talking, looking at my pictures… 

Schu: *looks* …O_O...um… 

Yohji: ^o^ Oh, if you think that one's bad, just wait until you see the other ones… 

Schu: Uh huh. *sits and pulls up a beer* _Alles__ schwarz - so schwarz, wie meine Kleider… _

Ken: Schu, stop singing in German. 

Schu: No. _Alles__ schwarz - ich seh' nichts and'res, leider… _

Crawford: Schuldich… 

Schu: Why should I?! 

Crawford: Because if you don't I will see to it personally that you suffer severe dain bramage. 

All: … 

Crawford: …brain damage. I meant brain damage. 

Yohji: *looks at the book* I think you've already suffered some yourself… 

Crawford: … 

Schu: *cracks up, thus sending beer out his nose* XD _@ XD _@ XD _@ 

Yohji: There's a warning, kids. Never drink and laugh. It always ends up in a fatality of some sort. 

Crawford: In this case, several brain cells suffered a horrible, painful death. 

Schu: _@....I think I lost my sense of smell… 

Yohji: ANYWAY, this picture is from – 

Farfie: O_O MY BUNNY RAN AWAY!!! 

Schu: =_= huh? 

Farfie: It's on your shoes. 

Schu: *looks down* …O_O 

Yohji: …I SAID, this picture is from the – 

Crawford: Man, that is one bloody rabbit. 

Schu: AWWWWWW, DAMMMMNNNNIIITTTTT…. 

Farfie: ^o^ Getting Schuldich's best shoes covered in blood hurts God. 

Yohji: …I SAID… 

Crawford: Yohji, we don't care what you said. And personally, I don't care about ANYBODY. 

Yohji: -_-… 

Schu: *kicks the rabbit into Farf* I know! Let's play poker. *deals out cards, chips, and drinks* 

Crawford: … 

Yohji: ^________________^ 

Farfie: Playing poker hurts God! Especially when I loose. 

Schu: Ok! Let's see. Wake up Aya. 

Aya: *shvr shvr* 

Crawford: -_- Schu, he is not going to get up anytime soon. 

Schu: *frowns* But I want to play poker with Aya… 

Yohji: Actually, we better hurry up the game, or else Sakki-san will end the fic before we get anywhe 

~THE END~ 

Short, stupid, and missing a plot…at least the steel 2 by 4 came back. 


	14. Plot Catchers have been Deployed: Strip ...

The faster you review, the faster I get chapters up. ^o^ 

Weiß Kreuz Fairy Tales 

Written by Sakki-san 

o_o I finally got off my lazy rear end to keep writing. AHAHAHAHA…god am I lazy. 

Yo! 

If I offended anyone with my review-of-reviews before…I'M SORRYYYY!!! T_T I didn't mean to offend you!  

Yohji: _@ Can I kill Sakki-san? 

Crawford: Go ahead. 

Omi: Why would you want to kill her? 

Yohji: She cut me off at the end of the last chapter. 

Omi: Oh. 

Schu: ^_________________________________^ 

Ken: o_o… 

Nagi: -_- Schu, what did you do now? 

Schu: I murdered the plot! 

All: … 

Schu: ….well, I got rid of it. 

Aya: But we need plot to keep this thing going. 

Schu: No we don't. The first two chapters had more plot than any of the other chapters that supposedly HAD plot. 

Crawford: …you know, he's right. 

Schu: ANYWAY…I got beer! *holds up imported German beer* 

Yohji: YAY! 

Omi: *leans in* …isn't that the kind that was recalled because of unsafe – OOF 

Schu: *stepped on Omi* ^o^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; So, whadya say we have a round of poker, eh? 

Crawford: No. Nagi and Omi are too young. 

Yohji: To play poker or to drink? 

Crawford: Both. 

Aya: Technically, so is Farfarello… 

Schu: Not in England! 

Crawford: I run by the American rules! And anyway, Nagi would still be too young in England. 

Nagi: =( This is what I get for being a prodigy. 

Omi: Don't worry, I'm here for you. 

Schu: *arranges table and chairs* _Alles schwarz - so schwarz, wie meine Kleider…_

Crawford: Schuldich! 

Schu: *ignores him* _Alles schwarz - ich seh' nichts and'res, leider… _

Crawford: !!! Schuldich, if you have to sing that song, at least sing it in ENGLISH! 

Schu: Why should I? Just because YOU'RE American? 

Crawford: Yes. 

Schu: …hn. 

Farfie: *wanders off* 

Schu: *starts singing again, still in German* __

Crawford: *sighs* 

Aya: -_-… 

Schu: *sing sing sing* 

Omi: *playing with a kitten* ^o^ Nagi! C'mere! 

Nagi: …? 

Omi: *pokes the kitten's nose* 

Kitten: ?!?!?! *falls over in confusion* 

Omi: ^________^ AWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Nagi: …It's acting like Ken. 

Ken: Hey… 

Farfie: *comes back with a huge pile of blankets* 

All: …? 

Aya: What…are THOSE for? 

Farfie: *muffled* Strip poker hurts God. 

All: *silent* 

… 

…

… 

… 

Crawford: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Aya: SCHULDICH!!! SHI-NE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Schu: ^_______________________________________^ *shuffles cards* 

Ken: Strip poker?! No!! I can't!!! 

Yohji: Why are YOU complaining, Ken?! You've got the most clothes on! 

Ken: …so I do… 

Yohji: ! This is no fun! 

Schu: O_O Why not?! 

Yohji: Because there's not a woman in sight! Strip poker is only fun with women around! 

Farfie: Schu…blankets? 

Schu: ^_^ Hey, be thankful he brought blankets. Just put 'em on the chairs, Farf. 

Farfie: *does so* ^_____^ This will hurt God…a LOT. 

Yohji: Can we at least find ONE woman? 

Schu: No. Now SIT. 

Crawford: I refuse to sit. 

Schu: Do it, Fish. 

Fish Eye: Do what? 

Yohji: *looks* …^________________^ There's a woman! *saunters over* 

Fish Eye: O_O….^_^ 

Schu: *squints* ….that's not a woman, Yohji. 

Yohji: What are you talking about? She's OBVIOUSLY a woman! Look at how pretty she is! 

Fish Eye: ^_^ 

Crawford: Yohji. He's not even from the same series. 

Yohji: SHE, Crawford. SHE. 

Fish Eye: Anyway…you called? 

Schu: No, I didn't call you. I was referring to Crawford, who I often call CrawFISH, which can be shortened to Fish, which you recognized. 

Fish Eye: I'm hurt! *walks away* 

Yohji: *chases* Nooo! Come back and play strip poker with us! 

Aya: *drags him back to the table* -_- 

Yohji: But she had such beautiful blue hair…and blue eyes…and blue clothing… 

Schu: Now that we've gotten rid of THAT…Crawfish, sit. 

Crawford: NO! 

Schu: Do it, or I'll use my mind powers on you. 

Crawford: You can't. 

Schu: *attempts* …DAMN. 

Crawford: See? 

Schu: ! *physically forces Crawford into a chair* 

Crawford: O_O 

Schu: Now then. Yohji! 

Yohji: *_*… 

Schu: …Yohji? 

Yohji: *_* 

Schu: … 

Yohji: *_* 

Schu: -_-… 

Yohji: *_* 

Aya: … 

Yohji: *_* 

Ken: …Look, it's Asuka! 

Yohji: *_*…O_O WHERE?! 

Ken: Uh.. .

Yohji: …hey…it was a lie…*attacks Ken* HOW DARE YOU LIE TO ME!!! And you said you hated liars! 

Ken: AAA!!! I just wanted you to stop day dreami – OW!!! 

Yohji: *beats up Ken* RAAAAAAAAAAAR 

Ken: T_T 

Aya: ! *separates them…with his katana* 

Yohji: Raaarrr… 

Schu: *sings* _Oh, foil torpedoooo~~~~ooo… _

All: … 

Schu: _You are my only loo~~~~ve… _

Crawford: what…is wrong…with you…?!?!?! 

Schu: *loudly* _I WILL ALWAYS ELOPE WITH YOOOOO~~~~UUUU!!! _

Aya: *whacks him with katana hilt* 

Schu: OW! DAMMIT! 

Ken: *forces Yohji into a seat* Ok, is that all of us? 

Schu: All who need forcing, anyway. I have blackmail for everybody else. 

All: O_O *sit* 

Schu: *flops down in his seat* Arrright! *shuffles and deals cards* 

All: *take cards. Look at cards.* 

Crawford: …. 

Nagi: …o_o

Omi: …? 

Ken: o_O… 

Yohji: _… 

Schu: O_O… 

Farfie: o_X… 

Aya: !#$^%#*&^%*&$&%$?!?!?!?! 

Schu: *slaps down his cards* All spades! 

Crawford: *lunges* YOU STACKED THE DECK!! 

Schu: o.O Ack! 

Omi: ^^;;;; Ano, Crawford…even if he did, we can always let him not do it again…it's only one piece of clothing. 

Crawford: *sits back down* Which adds up to a whole wardrobe after some time. *chucks a shoe over his shoulder* 

Nagi: *sighs and does the same* 

Aya: *yanks a boot off and flings it at Schuldich's head* 

Schu: Hey! Be careful where you aim! 

Aya: That was purposeful. 

Schu: …oh. Right. 

Yohji: *flings a boot over his head* 

Omi: *pulls off a shoe* 

Ken: *attempts to take off a shoe* …eek! 

Schu: _@ What is it with you guys and shoes? 

Farfie: I'm not taking off a shoe… *puts a knife on the table* 

All: o.o… 

Schu: …Knives don't count as clothing!!! 

Farfie: They do to me. 

Schu: …I won't argue. 

Yohji: Smart move. 

Crawford: It's the apocalypse… 

Schu: -_- *shuffle shuffle deal* 

All: *take cards. Look at cards.* 

… 

… 

… 

Omi: …hey, what does it mean when all your cards look the same? 

Nagi: *looks over* ...o_o… 

Schu: *slaps down cards again, grinning* Flush of hearts! 

Nagi: *slams down Omi's cards* Flush of SPADES! 

Schu: WHAT?!?! 

Aya: …hehehe. 

Crawford: *snickers* 

Schu: $&!@... 

Aya: *removes other boot* 

Yohji: *removes other…shoe* 

Ken: *does the same, but falls off his chair* Ack! 

Nagi: *levitates a shoe away* 

Schu: -_- What IS it with the shoes… *puts down his sunglasses* 

Crawford: They're easy to remove. *whips off his other shoe* 

Farfie: *puts down another knife* 

Schu: No! No knives! You have to take off CLOTHES! 

Farfie: =(… *takes off a bandage* 

Schu: Ok! *shuffle shuffle deal…* 

~~~ 

*two hours later. Everyone is half naked with a blanket spread over them, except Schu, who, by some miracle, has managed to keep his boxers on. Not to mention that everyone is also drunk or high…except Schuldich.* 

Schu: Ok! Next round? 

Crawford: *slumped over the table* Shaddup, Shuuuu… 

Schu: … 

Omi: *slumped over Nagi* =^O^= 

Nagi: *holding Omi, looking quite pleased* o^O^o 

Schu: … 

Farfie: *holding Ken by the shoulder, cutting into him* Sheeee?!?! It hurtsh God… 

Ken: *being cut* hehehe…ow…thish hurtsh… 

Farfie: =^O^= hurtsh WHO? 

Ken: …me? 

Farfie: NO! *slaps him* 

Ken: …ow…God? 

Farfie: =^o^= Goooooood booyyy… 

Schu: o_o… 

Aya: *asleep* zzz 

Schu: … 

Yohji: *drapes himself over Schu* Hey, purrrr-deeeee. Wanna go out with meeee? 

Schu: o_o…I would, except that I need to get drunk first. 

Yohji: ^_____^ Aaahh, dun worry! Just strip n' have this. *shoves a beer in Schu's face* 

Schu: o_o…^_^ *drinks beer* 

Yohji: ^___^ *tries to remove Schu's boxers* 

Schu: *smacks him* Hey! Those are MY boxers! You can take off your own. 

Yohji: ^_^ I already did. 

Schu: ….hm…Say…Yohji…what say you go take advantage of that there drunk and unconscious Aya while I take care of that there drunk and conscious Bradley? 

Yohji: ^O^ You got it! *leaps on Aya* 

Aya: …huh? Wha – O_O… 

Schu: *saunters over to Bradley* Hey there, handsome, want to come with me? *dazzling smile* 

Readers: *SWOON* 

Schu: …that wasn't for you. 

Readers: =O! *beat Schu with steel 2 by 4s* 

Schu: X_x… 

Brad: …huh…? 

~THE END~ 

Ok, I promise that I'll get up longer and more pointful chapters next time. I *promise*. PROMISE. And if I don't, you can…beat me with 2 by 4s. …yes. 

And I will be getting up some chapters from VERY NICE people who have sent me VERY NICE pictures…^O^! 


	15. Ignore this! Ignore ignore ignore!

Sakki: _@ Fanfiction.net won't let me replace a chapter and make it all show-y'all-happy unless I post something else. So, have some 20-minutes- before-the-bus-comes humor!  
  
*crickets* . .alright, I have none. Ignore this, I'll take it down later.T_T. 


	16. Beauty and the Beast: I can't Believe it...

I will never again write humor fanfiction on a sporratic bouncy ball sent back by my vacationing muses. I will never again write humor fanfiction on a sporratic bouncy ball sent back by my vacationing muses. I will never again write humor fanfiction on a sporratic bouncy ball sent back by my vacationing muses. 

Weiß Kreuz Fairy Tales 

Written by Sakki-san 

Turns out my muses WEREN'T back. Damn that sporratic bouncy ball. 

*whap* 

… 

*bows repeatedly* My deepest apologies to Amiko-san, who was done an injustice by my failure to write humorous fanfiction. It did not do justice to her wonderful picture *HINT HINT DRAW ME PICTURES YOU WONDERFUL REVIEWER PEOPLE YOU HINT HINT* which she drew. She requested Fushigi Yugi from me and I screwed it up. I promise to re-write it PROPERLY next time. 

Ok, with that over with, let's see just how sporratic THIS bouncy ball is. 

Aya: Sakki-san is a bitch. 

Crawford: You state the obvious. 

Aya: -_- 

Omi: It's not nice to call her a bitch! 

Yohji: She made you wear a skirt. 

Omi: …. 

Nagi: ^_^ 

Schu: You, too. 

Nagi: …. 

Schu: XD 

Aya: She's a bitch and a useless one at that, too. 

Crawford: Again, you state the obvious. 

Aya: ! 

Yohji: Ok, if you're so smart, stop her from killing Aya. 

Aya: o_o? 

Sakki: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR 

Aya: O_O! 

Crawford: -_- Trivial. *pulls out gun* Stop right there. 

Sakki: O_________O *freezes in midair* 

All: o_o… 

Crawford: -_-;;; Sometimes that's all they understand. 

Yohji: 'They'? 

Crawford: Women. And cats. 

Aya: ….*hissss* 

Crawford: *kick* 

Aya: O_____O *HISSSS* 

All: o_o;;; 

Aya: grr...hey. Where's Ken? 

Schu: ....Ken? OH. Right. Ken. 

Aya: …where is he? 

Schu: ^^;;;; Well, you see… 

Aya: *pulls out katana* WHERE IS HE. 

Schu: o_o;;; Drop the sword, kittycat. He's…erm…hiding. 

Aya: Where and why?! 

Schu: …Well, you see, Ken's been reading fanfiction, and seeing as he's one of the top targets for rape/molest/kidnapping/torture fics…he feels victimized. 

Crawford: …and? 

Sakki: .O;;;; 

Schu: …and….he's hiding on a lampshade. 

All: … 

Yohji: …on a lampshade? 

Schu: *nods* On a lampshade. 

Aya: …on. 

Schu: I made that quite clear. 

Aya: …don't you mean 'under'? 

Schu: See for yourself. 

Aya: o_o… Ken? 

Ken: *hiding on a lampshade* :D They'll never find me here! 

Aya: … 

Crawford: … 

Yohji: … 

Schu: I told you. 

Ken: :D!!! 

Aya: … 

Crawford: …is he insane? 

Yohji: I should think so… 

Ken: Mwahahahahaha!! I'm a genius!!! 

Crawford: o_o;;; 

Ken: :D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Yohji: His lack of gray matter is really starting to become obvious. 

Schu: I think we should leave him alone. 

Aya: …right. 

Crawford: Hm. 

Yohji: *smokes* 

Schu: *waves away smoke* I only breathe MY secondhand smoke. 

Yohji: *continues to smoke* 

Aya: -_- 

Crawford: … 

*This continues for some time* 

Aya: …hey. 

Crawford: -_- hm? 

Aya: …Where's everybody else? 

Crawford: Don't know. 

Aya: … 

Yohji: *throws cigarette away* Let's start a parody. 

Schu: Of what? 

Yohji: Dunno. 

Sakki: …Crawford? T_T Can I get down now? 

Crawford: …you're still here? 

Sakki: YES. 

Crawford: Oh. Ok then. Get out or I'll shoot you. 

Sakki: *hits the floor* X_x *crawwllll* 

Aya: *tempted to run her through, but thinks…otherwise* 

Schu: Anyway, we need to do a parody. Appease the readers. 

Yohji: Yes. Appease. You mean flirt. ^_~ 

Readers: *SWOON* 

Yohji: ^_^ If anybody's over 18… 

Schu: ENOUGH. I desire…a PARODY. 

Crawford: …(Zelly bribed you to say that, didn't she.) 

Schu: (yes.) 

Crawford: (How much?) 

Schu: (…1000 yen?) 

Crawford: -_-;;; 

Schu: ^_^ Hey, money is good. Even YOU know that. 

Omi: *attacks Crawford* HOW DARE YOU SLAP NAGI!!! 

Crawford: -_- *kicks Omi away* 

Omi: T_T How did you know I was coming? 

Crawford: …Tell me that question was rhetorical. 

Omi: …o_o it wasn't. 

Crawford: …-_____-;;; 

Nagi: ;_; *rubs face* 

Crawford: I didn't hit you that hard. 

Nagi: Still…;_; 

Omi: SEE?! *whips out spork* NOW YOU DIE! 

Crawford: o_o Omi. I foresaw this. Go away. 

Omi: …..foresaw?...OH THAT'S RIGHT. You can see the future. ….DAMMIT 

Crawford: -____________-;;; 

Yohji: Hey! Parody! Now! 

Aya: -_- shi-ne. 

Yohji: …Schu, gimme that flare gun. 

Schu: What flare gun? 

Yohji: The one you have in your pocket. 

Schu: …Oh. That one. Here. 

Yohji: Thanks. *aim…FIRE!* 

*KAH-BOOM!* 

All: O_________________O 

Yohji: Thanks again. 

Schu: You're welcome. 

Crawford: …Why do you have a flare gun in your pocket? 

Schu: *shrugs* You never know when it could come in useful. 

Yohji: ANYWAY! Let's parody something. 

Omi: You suggest something. *eyes Crawford warily* 

Crawford: …-_- 

Yohji: Hm. How about Beauty and the Beast? 

All: o_O 

Yohji: …What? It was the first thing that came to mind. 

Crawford: -_- As long as I'm not – 

Schu: CRAWFORD IS THE BEAST 

Crawford: …I hate you. 

Schu: :D 

Yohji: Yes. Crawford can be the beast. Now to pick the most degrading part for the most stick-up-his-ass character. 

Schu: …that character has already been chosen for the Beast. 

Crawford: HEY 

Yohji: Ok, second most. 

All: *look at Aya* 

Aya: *polishing his katana blade* -.- 

Schu: …I suggest someone else. Like Nagi. 

Nagi: O__________O 

Crawford: NANI?!! 

Zelly: *runs in!* 

Yohji: o_O Who are you? 

Zelly: I am ZELLY! And I DEMAND that you do….ESCAFLOWNE! *bum bum* 

All: … 

Zelly: *thumps chest proudly* I DEMAND IT! And Alanzo shall suffer greatly at the hands of Ugusta's cooking lessons UNTIL IT IS CARRIED OUT! *runs out* 

All: …O_o… 

Crawford: …Whatever that was, I'm going to try and forget it. 

Schu: Oh, that? That was Zelly. 

Yohji: The one who bribed you? 

Schu: Yeah. *munches cracker* 

Yohji: …where did you get the crackers? 

Schu: …Nowhere o.o;;;;;;;;; 

Yohji: I want one. 

Schu: Here. 

Yohji: ^_^ yum! 

Schu: Anyway, Nagi should be Belle. 

Nagi: O________________O 

Crawford: *throws gun at Schu's head* 

Schu: *ducks* 

Crawford: I REFUSE TO BECOME A PEDOPHILE 

Yohji: *SNORT* You already ARE. 

Crawford: …I am not. 

Yohji: *leaps at him* YOUR HESITATION PROVES YOUR GUILT! ADMIT IT!! 

Crawford: …Yohji, go away. And stop smoking Schu's crack. 

Yohji: O_________O I DON'T SMOKE CRACK YOU CAN'T PROVE IT GO AWAY LEAVE ME ALONE NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW 

Crawford: ……*kicks Yohji in the…well let's keep it a low profile* 

Yohji: O.O *falls over* 

Schu: …ok. Nagi is Belle. It's decided. 

Nagi: …Schu? 

Schu: What? 

Nagi: Omi is standing over you. Holding a spork. 

Schu: o_o… 

Omi: And about this far from deranged. 

Schu: o_o;;;;;;;; 

Crawford: Omi, put down the spork. 

Omi: Not until Nagi is un-made as Belle or I'm made the beast. 

Crawford: Yes. Do one of those two. 

Schu: NO. Omi, get away before I tickle you. 

Omi: O_O…T_T *puts away spork* 

Schu: You can be Gaston, the dashing man who tries to win Belle's affections. 

Omi: …I suppose that's better than nothing. 

Crawford: -_-; 

Schu: So, who's gonna be that little guy who follows him around?...what was his name again? 

Farfie: IVOR THE ATLANTIC WHO SAILED ACROSS THE SEA ON A TIN CAN OF THE DEEP ABYSS OF THE TOMATO SOUP!!! 

Schu: *SCREAAAAAAAM!* 

Farfie: :D 

Schu: *grabs chest* GUUH-huuu…GUUH-huu… (~~~ That's breathing, folks. T_T I'm horrible at writing, I know) 

Crawford: o_o;;; 

Farfie: Tomato soup hurts God. 

Aya: -_- shi-ne. 

Farfie: My bread dipped in tomato soup hurts God even more. 

Aya: _ shi-NE! 

Yohji: *stands up* Ok, let's get this going. Crawford, kick me again and I will kill you. 

Crawford: -_- I foresaw it. You won't make it. *kick* 

Yohji: O.O *thud* 

Schu: o_o;;; I'll be the narrator, ignore the little guy…wait, Aya, you can be the little guy. The rest of you be swooning women. 

Crawford: 'The rest of you' happens to be one collapsed man and two insane ones. 

Schu: ….T_T So? I'm the narrator. BEGIN. 

Crawford: -_- 

Schu: ^_^ One day in a pretty little French village there lived a sweet young man who sang and read a lot. 

Nagi: I refuse to sing. 

Schu: Ok, be genki, then. 

Nagi: :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 

Schu: o_o That's overdoing it. 

Nagi: …fine. :D 

Schu: …Anyway, he was being pursued by the dashing Omi and his sidekick, Aya. 

Omi: …:D? 

Schu: :D. 

Omi: :D! 

Aya: -_________- 

Schu: Omi wanted Nagi. BADLY. Because Nagi was so pretty. But Nagi didn't like Omi. 

Omi: T________T 

Schu: no, :D! 

Omi: ......:D....! 

Schu: That's right. SO ANYWAY. One day Nagi ran to the magical castle far out in the forest!...To save his father, Farfie. 

Farfie: Being trapped in a magical castle hurts God. 

Schu: -_- Ok, Yohji can be that candlestick. Ken, you be the clock. 

Ken: :D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They STILL haven't found me!!! 

Schu: …Brad? 

Crawford: -_- Don't call me that. *grabs Ken* 

Ken: *SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM* 

Crawford: -_- *throws Ken on the floor* 

Ken: *SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM* 

Crawford: QUIET 

Ken: O_O O_O O_O 

Schu: ...yes. 

Nagi: I must go save my father! GO, FILIPE! 

Filipe: O_O? 

Nagi: ….T_T Horses don't understand me. 

Filipe: …:D *suddenly charges off* 

Nagi: O______________O *hangs on for DEAR LIFE* 

Schu: XD 

Yohji: …ahem. 

Schu: XD…right. ^_^ So young Nagi arrived at the enchanted castle, where his horse ran away from him. 

Filipe: *comes to a stop* 

Nagi: *slides off* @_______________X 

Filipe: XD *runs off again* 

Nagi: neveragainneveragainneveragainneveragain ((Authoress' note: that was the same kind of response I had to reading my first NC-17 fic…yet I continued to read them.)) 

Schu: XD He went INSIDE the castle. 

Nagi: *crawls into the castle* @______x…o_o where am I? 

Schu: An enchanted castle, moron. 

Nagi: …oh. Right. *grabs hold of Yohji* All right, candlestick… 

Yohji: Leggo 

Nagi: T_T No. You glow with such pretty light...that I can't let you go...@__________@ 

Yohji: O__O;;; 

Schu: XD!!! The great Yohjí decided that – 

Yohji: Wait. Yohjí? 

Schu: Yes, Yohjí. 

Yohji: …what's with the i? 

Schu: Makes your name look cooler. 

Yohji: …Hey, you're right. 

Schu: ANYWAY, the great Yohjí decided to show young Nagi around. He was accompanied by the stubborn Kensworth. 

Ken: @____________________________@ I'm going to be raped and molested and kidnapped and tortured and and and and ARRRGGHHH I'M A VICTIM OF ALL THIS 

Schu: ….Ok, we'll just say Kensworth is out for repairs. Yohjí showed Nagi around until suddenly…the MASTER appeared. 

Crawford: I REFUSE TO WEAR THIS SUIT. 

Schu: Well, obviously. That one's not yours. 

Crawford: … 

Yohji: XD Suffered a bit more dain bramage than we though, ne, Crawford? 

Crawford: QUIET 

Schu: XD!!! So the MASTER appeared. 

Crawford: *appears in a cape* … who is THIS? 

Yohji: O_O;;;; Just some little bitch for you, sir. 

Nagi+Crawford: WHAT?!!! 

Schu: O_O WOW. Their voices matched octaves. 

Yohji: And two higher than usual… 

Crawford: @^#$@^$#!%!... 

Nagi: ~___________~ 

Yohji: XD Anyway, just some little bi – 

Nagi: I swear I'll castrate you with my powers. 

Yohji: O____O;;;;;;;; Just a kid. Just a normal, everyday, run-of-the-mill kid. 

Nagi: Better. 

Crawford: …you will stay here and I will let your father go. 

Nagi: …o_o really? 

Crawford: -_-; Yeah, really. Let out the prisoner. 

Yohji: As you command…sir. *walks off* 

Schu: So, with the father released – 

Farfie: NAGI WAS KEPT CAPTIVE IN THE EVIL MANIACAL CASTLE WHICH WAS REALLY GLOOMY BUT HAD ONCE BEEN A WONDERFUL SHINY CASTLE WHERE A MEAN OL' NASTY PRINCE LIVED BUT WAS CURSED BY AN ENCHANTRESS NAMED TOT WHO TURNED HIM INTO A GREATLY UGLY BEAST! NOW SEE HERE THIS PRINCE HAD ALWAYS BEEN A PEDOPHILE AND THAT DIDN'T CHANGE WHEN HE TURNED INTO A SPOTTY BEAST AND THE END OF THE STORY CAME QUICKLY BECAUSE NAGI FELL IN LOVE WITH THE UGLY BEAST AND THE BEAST LOVED HIM BACK AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVERY AFTER IN A TIN CAN OF THE ENDLESS DEPTHS OF THE TOMATO SOUP IN THE DEAD CENTER OF A LAKE OF FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Schu: O_O…Oh, thanks a lot, Farf. You just ruined the whole plot. 

Yohji: Yeah, and we didn't get to see any yaoi action. None! 

Crawford: I AM NOT A PEDOPHILE 

Nagi: Just TRY and deny it. I see the way you look at me. 

Crawford: !!!...Omi, get away from me with that spork. 

Omi: Not until you promise to stop eyeing Nagi. 

Schu: Dammit, Farf! The readers are gonna MURDER you. 

Yohji: Yeah. And us, too. 

Farfie: So you two admit that you're actually rabid fangirls? 

Both: O.O We didn't say that! 

Aya: oh REALLY? *draws katana* 

Yohji: H-hey, Aya, buddy, old pal… 

Schu: C'mon, you know we were just joking around!! ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;………right? 

Aya: *growl* 

Yohji: Ah, Schu, I think we should run… 

Schu: What makes you think that?! 

Yohji: Well, Aya's approaching us really fast with his katana out and – 

Schu: I WAS BEING SARCASTIC!! 

Yohji: Oh. Well how was I supposed to know that?! 

Schu: Any idiot can tell sarcasm from normal speech! If I asked you to cut off my hands instead of helping me untie a huge knot and I said it in an OBVIOUSLY sarcastic voice, would you do it?! 

Yohji: Probably! After all, you're telling me to do something and therefore I should do it! The girls say it all the time! 

Schu: You mean you mutilate your dates?! 

Yohji: No!! That's not what I meant! 

Schu: Don't deny it! 

Yohji: You can't deny that you're actually straight, then! 

Schu: O_O I AM NOT! 

Yohji: You are too! 

Aya: …Normally, I would get some popcorn, but I can't stand rabid fangirls in disguise. 

Schu: AM NOT!!! 

Yohji: ARE TOO!!! 

Schu: I AM NOT STRAIGHT!! 

Yohji: Oh, right. You're a lesbian trapped in a man's body, that's it, isn't it! 

Schu: O_O!!! 

Aya: …*attack!* 

Both: O_____________________________O!!! *run like hell* 

Ken: *hiding under a cardboard box* hehehehehe…nobody can find me here! 

~FIN~ 

….Lame, wasn't it? ^^;;; At least I updated… 


	17. Schu in God Hurting Land: GIMME BACK MY ...

Chapter 15 and 16…they…they DISSAPEARED. 

Weiß Kreuz Fairy Tales 

Written by Sakki-san Farfarello

My God…he got ahold of the keyboard. 

Schu: FKDJSKLFJDSKLFJDSKLFJLDFDSJFF 

Yohji: What's up with you? 

Schu: Hm? Did I do something? 

Yohji: … 

Omi: o_o; Yeah,you just went, "FKDJSKLFJDSKLFJDSKLFJLDFDSJFF". 

Schu: …I did, didn't I. Huh. 

Aya: *whap* 

Schu: KFJDSKLFJDKSLJFKSLFJSDKLFJSDKLFFFFF!!!! 

Aya: … 

Crawford: It's her new way of censoring swear words. 

Sakki: QUIET, J00. Or I'll make you speak in nothing but l33t. 

Crawford: … 

Sakki: And I am writing these. Sort of. 

Schu: …sort of? 

Yohji: How does one sort of write a fic? 

Sakki: Don't ask. Now, ON WITH THE SHORT AND CRAPPY PARODY. 

Farf: … 

Nagi: -_-; I can't believe we're doing this. 

Yohji: We don't have to do anything. Let's just leave. *leaves* 

Schu: O_O Hey! I want to leave, too! 

Aya: *leaves* 

Schu: Wait for me! *leaves* 

Crawford: *leaves* 

Omi: O_O…O_O... 

Nagi: *leaves* 

Omi: O_O!!! *leaves!* 

Farf: ... 

Ken: ... 

Farf: ... 

Ken: ...o_o;;; *leaves* 

Farf: ...if they're gone, I control the fic. 

All: *are still gone* 

Farf: …:D… 

All: *don't return* 

Farf: *stands up, brushes off his vest, and pulls out a knife* This…is a knife. A very nice knife, if you examine it closely. Please observe the 5 inch serrated blade. 'Serrated', for those of you who don't know, means a jagged edge. Mine has a shark-fin pattern of serration. Now, if you'll turn your attention to the hilt… 

*time passes* 

Farf: …and that's how to properly decapitate a movie star with a spoon. Any question? 

Farf's Fanclub: *________________________* 

Farf: … 

Fanclub: *______________________* 

Farf: …Go away. 

Fanclub: *______________________* EEE 

Fangirl 1: *____* Your voice is so POWERFUL. 

Fangirl 2: *____* It's like Ansem's. 

Fanclub: O_O… 

Fangirl 2: …O_O;;;;;;;; I MEAN – 

Fanclub: =O *BEATMAULFORKRIPTEARGOUGE* HOW DARE YOU MAKE CONNECTIONS BETWEEN FARF AND ANYBODY ELSE!!! 

Farf: …This amuses me. 

*more time passes* 

Farf: …without managing to get blood all over yourself in the process. Ok, for the last time, any questions? 

Fanclub: *_____________________* 

Farf: …that's it, you have ceased to amuse me. Morton, kill them. 

Large Dog: *LUNGERIPTEARKILLGOUGEMAULSHREIKKNIFESPOONKSDLJFKLDSJKLDSJFF* 

Fanclub: *dies* X____x 

Farf: …hee hee… 

Schu: *returns* e_e God, that was some – O_O WHAT THE HELL 

Farf: *whirls* Ah! Schu! You're just in time for the second half of my fic! 

Schu: …wait, YOUR fic? When the hell did that happen? 

Farf: When you left. 

Schu: …What about that weird bitchy authoress who hangs around? 

Farf: I think I killed her. 

Schu: …I don't know whether to be horrified or overjoyed. 

Farf: Be both. 

Schu: …right. 

Farf: And, since I now control this fic, I demand that everyone returns. 

All: *appear* 

Aya: …_@@@@ SHI-NE 

Crawford: *SMACK* Shut up. 

Aya: _@@@@... 

Yohji: O_O I thought I was at a club. 

Omi: I thought I was in a field of wildflowers. 

Nagi: I thought I was dead. -_e 

Omi: o_o… 

Farf: Alright, listen up, you incoherent bastards. I run this fic now, and you're going to do what I say. Otherwise, I rip out your intestines and make you eat them, and when that's done, I'll rip them out again and strangle you with them. Got it? 

All: o_O… 

Farf: I'm serious. 

Schu: XD Yeah right, like you could – 

Farf: *TACKLE* 

Schu: O______________O AAAAAAAAGETITOFFMEGETITOFFMEAAAUGGHHHOHGOD 

Farf: Don't doubt me, manwhore. 

Schu: O_____________________O;;; 

Farf: …*climbs off* Ok, let's get moving. Schu, since you were the last one to offend me, get in the dress. 

Schu: O_________________O…. NO. 

Farf: Do it, or I'll make you wear something even girlier. Not like you need it to enhance your womanly looks. 

Schu: $#^@$*&$@%^#^&^*%$#^%@%... 

Crawford: … 

Farf: Ok, places. *ahem* One day, a very ordinary little girl was walking by the river. 

Schu: I AM NOT A LITTLE GIRL AND I AM NOT ORDINARY. 

Farf: Oh, of course. My mistake. One day, a very stupid little manwhore was walking by the river. 

Schu :FKDJSKLFJDSKLFJDSKLFJKLSDJFDKLSFJKSDJFSDJFDKFJ#$@^$#&!q%tgdfsg%#wtgreagSDAGSDAGFDAG$^#@^@$!!!!! 

Nagi: If those were real swear words, I'd be impressed. 

Schu: *SEEETHEFUME* 

Farf: Shut up. I have Sakki's keyboard hostage and am training it to bite her whenever she starts writing a fic. 

Keyboard: p_q 

Nagi: …huh? 

Farf: Aside from that, many keyboards are caught feral in the wild by the laser rifles of Microsoft, and often eat fluffy cheese for breakfast. But fuzzy cheese is just as nutrientful, and therefore supplies an excellent diet for blue wildebeests, who feed off orange peels.

Crawford: … 

Nagi: … 

Aya: … 

Ken: … 

Schu: … 

Yohji: I believe the correct word is 'nutritious'. 

Farf: Shut up, other manwhore. 

Yohji: … 

Farf: Anyway, she – ah, he, excuse me – was walking along the river when a large white rabbit ran by with a gold watch. 

Crawford: My watch says I am not late. 

Farf: …give me that. 

Crawford: No. It's Rolex. You'll ruin it. 

Farf: *SNATCH* *turns the dial a little* Here, it was stopped. 

Crawford: … 

Farf: …Look, your stocks are about to start running. 

Crawford: No they're not. Let me check my watch. *looks* ….DEAR GOD I'M LATE *RUNS* 

Schu: …what the hell? 

Farf: The little girl – boy, I'm sorry again – followed the rabbit. 

Schu: You're not sorry. 

Farf: I know. Lying hurts God. 

Ken: …*raises hand* I have a question. 

Farf: Shoot. 

Ken: Why is Crawford the white rabbit? 

Farf: Because he's always wearing white and he had a gold watch. Now shut up and submit, bitch. 

Ken: ..T_T 

Farf: Anyway, she – he – ran to the place where the rabbit had gone down and jumped because it was a little bitch. 

Schu: … "it"? 

Farf: You've got a man's anatomy and a woman's body. 

Schu: FJDSKLFJDSKLFJDSFKJSFFF STOP SAYING THAT 

Farf: Well, if you took off your shirt, maybe I'd call you a man. 

Schu: YOU MADE ME WEAR THIS DRESS. 

Farf: Oh, right. Anyway…he wound up in Wonderland. 

Schu: Uncreative today, are we? 

Farf: Ok then, we'll call it God Hurting Land, and I'm not changing it. Now wear this. 

Schu: T_T I had to ask, didn't I. 

Ken: Cheese. 

Farf: *SMACK* 

Ken: O_O ;-; 

Farf: Now put it on. 

Schu: …spike jewelry. 

Farf: It hurts God. 

Schu: …X_X 

Farf: Put it on, manwhore-thing. So she wandered – 

Schu: I'M A HE 

Farf: Sorry. HE wandered through God Hurting Land, looking for the White Armani Businessman who had run by before. 

Ken: …but you called him – 

Farf: how many times do I have to hit you? 

Ken: ;-; 

Farf: Better. On his way, he ran into…flowers. 

Aya: Shi-ne. 

Schu: …o_o……._….XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 

Aya: SHI-NEEEEEEE 

Schu: XD XD XD X3 Aya, you look just aDORable hanging from that rose outfit! 

Aya: I k33l j00. 

All: … 

Aya: …shi-ne. 

Schu: ^_^ This is too good. 

Aya: Nice dress, Schu. 

Schu: …-__- 

Farf: The flowers began to sing. 

Aya: NO I WILL NOT SING YOU $#^@ING STUPID CRAZY IRISHMAN I DON'T CARE WHAT KIND OF BRUTALITY YOU PULL OFF ON ME 

Farf: Ok, I'll just do it to your sister. 

Aya: O_O…O___________________________O 

Farf: Now sing, Kurama. 

Aya: ;_______________________; Aya-chaaaaan... 

Farf: Save the sisters. Sing for Life. 

Aya: ;-;…-_- *ahem* 

*Aya proceeds to sing the flower song, but since I don't have the tape and Farf busted my VCR, I can't tell you what it is. Just use your imaginations.* 

Schu: *half dead from laughter* 

Aya: *beats Schu with sword* FKLJDSKLFJSLKFJSLFJ SHI-NE. 

Schu: OW XD OW XD OW XD 

Farf: The flowers stopped beating the poor girl – 

Schu: BOY 

Farf: …boy, and he ran like a madman toward the sound of singing. 

Schu: No. Not more singing. 

Aya: *still attached to the stem of his flower* SHI-NEEEEEE 

Farf: Yes, more singing. Now get to it. 

Schu: =_= 

Farf: And he saw…the Mad Ratter. 

Nagi: Ph33r. 

Schu: …mad…ratter? 

Farf: Hatter got boring. So now it's the Mad Ratter. He skins rats. 

Nagi: Work sucks, but the pay is good. 

Schu: …o___o;; 

Nagi: Ok, crossdresser, let's get you some tea. *telekinetically flings tea at Schu* 

Schu: *catch* o_o This looks like blood. 

Nagi: It is. 

Schu: … 

Nagi: Hey, I have to do something with the rat bodies. 

Schu: …I…think I'll pass. 

Nagi: Bitch. Drink it. 

Schu: I don't drink blood. 

Nagi: Some man. 

Schu: … 

Nagi: All men drink blood at least once in their lives. So get to it. Unless you really are a little girl. 

Schu: I AIN'T. *drinks tea* …wait, this doesn't taste like blood. It tastes like sake. 

Nagi: Oh, yeah, that's one of the key ingredients in making chicken noodle soup. Don't you know? 

Schu: …I thought you said this was blood. 

Nagi: It is. 

Schu: …I'm leaving now. 

Nagi: Sure, whatever, come back and help me skin rats sometime. I could use the help. 

Schu: Right. …Hey, did you see a White Armani Businessman run by here? 

Nagi:  Yeah, I broke his watch. 

Schu: And you're still alive? 

Nagi: He's not gonna touch me, I have rat blood all over me. 

Schu: … 

Nagi: But he did shoot me. It kind of hurt, too. Well, back to the rat skinning, I guess. Ooh! There's a big one! 

Schu: o_o That's my foot. 

Nagi: All the better for me. 

Schu: O_O; 

Farf: So he left the Mad Ratter for a happier, brighter, sniffier place. 

Ken: … 

Farf: … 

Ken: o_o; 

Farf: … 

Ken: O_O?!! 

Farf: *SMACK* 

Ken: O_O T_T ;-;... 

Farf: You make one more facial expression and I violently screw your brains out. Graphically. Thus making this fic a lemon. 

Ken: *does not make any facial expressions* 

Farf: Good, you're learning. Back to the story. After wandering a bit, the poor heroine – 

Schu: HERO, DAMMIT. Nagi, stop chewing on my foot. 

Nagi: Ratty goodness. *chewchew* 

Schu: *KICK* T_T Where am I going? 

Farf: You found your White Armani Businessman. 

Crawford: $#^%$#@^#@$^$#!%$@&*@^$# Stupid stocks… 

Schu: …My god. 

Yohji: It's like something out of a real life situation. 

Farf: Brad, you're scaring the children. 

Crawford: I don't $%@$^#@ care. 

Yohji: Such language. Here, eat some soap. 

Crawford: *SMACK* I have stocks to run. 

Farf: The heroine – er, I mean, HERO – met up with…the King of Bleeding Hearts. But first, he saw CardGuards dipping roses in blood. 

Yohji: *singing* Paint the roses red! Paint them oh-so red! Red like blood! Red like – 

Farf: That is blood. 

Yohji: ….ewww….Ah, who cares. 

Schu: …You get stranger by the day. 

Yohji: If you can't beat em, go with em. 

Schu: …So what are you doing? 

Yohji: Dipping flowers in blood. 

Aya: *koff* *sputter* 

Schu: o_o Why are you doing this? 

Yohji: Because they're white and the King of Bleeding Hearts wants them red. 

Schu: …you're drowning the rose. 

Aya: X___x 

Yohji: Oops. *puts it back on the rosebush* 

*just imagine a chibi-sized Aya rose.* 

Aya: @___o;; 

Schu: …So…where do I find your…King? 

Yohji: He's right over there. 

Farf: Booyah. 

Ken: *does not make a facial expression* 

Schu: Oh, shit. 

Farf: I am the King of Bleeding Hearts. You have invaded my land. It's your fault that things are going wrong. Off with your head. 

Crawford: _@@@@ *shoots Schu* 

Schu: *SHOT* X_____X 

Farf: …:D 

Yohji: Hey, I have a question. 

Farf: Shoot. 

Crawford: *aims* 

Farf: No, I meant, ask the question. Not shoot him. Dumbass. 

Crawford: … 

Yohji: What's Ken supposed to be? And why wasn't this longer? 

Farf: This wasn't longer because Sakki woke up, and Ken is my bitch. *tugonleash* 

Ken: *does not make a facial expression* 

Yohji: …That's disgusting. *goes back to the roses* 

Farf: Hn. 

~…FIN~ 

My…God. That…SUCKED. o_O;;;; I promse I'll do better next time, and they'll all be back in character. But I felt I needed to update. 

And in other news, a moneky fell from the sky. That is all. 

*SHOT* 


	18. Sailor GodhurterfromHell and the Sailor ...

Weiß Kreuz Fairy Tales 

Written by Sakki 

Look! I'm not dead! 

Crawford: *SHOOT* 

…dammit. 

Sakki: Finals make God laugh 

Farf: Finals must die 

Omi: Finals are good. 

Sakki: …*EAT* 

Omi: O___O *EATEN?!* 

Sakki: Ugh...too sweet. *SPIT* 

Omi: p_q Now I'm all covered in Sakki slobber. 

Yohji: Go away, Sakki. You're not interesting. *SHOVE* 

Sakki: HEY I OWNZ J00 

Yohji: …? 

Sakki: …nobody understands me. =_= *goes to play Kingdom Hearts* 

Crawford: *SHOOTS SAKKI* 

Sakki: @____O AAAUGH *SHOT* 

Schu: What was that for? 

Crawford: Everything. 

Schu: … 

Crawford: …that she did to me. 

Schu: …ah. 

Farf: …:3 

Schu: …o_o? 

Farf: …this is the song that never ends… 

Schu: o_O; 

Ken: AAAAAA NO STOP NO DON'T SING THAT NOT THAT SONG ANY SONG BUT THAT SONG AAAAAAAA 

Farf: XD It just goes on and on MY FRIIIENDS 

Ken: *SCREAMANDDIE* 

Yohji: …what the HELL. This is so screwed. 

Schu: Obviously. 

Yohji: Not quite as screwed as when Ken hid on the lampshade, though… 

Schu: Not quite. 

Ken: That reminds me, I need some string cheese. 

All: … 

Ken: …what? O_o I was looking at Yohji's crotch, and - 

Schu: *SNORT* 

Yohji: _____ KEN, SHUT UP. 

Ken: o_o? 

Omi: O__O; Ken! 

Nagi: …I have nothing to do with this. 

Crawford: I won't laugh, but I did find that statement amusing. 

Ken: p_q 

Schu: XD _ Pull the stick outta yer ass, Brad. XD XD XD 

Crawford: -_-; 

Farf: Some people – STARTED SINGING IT not knowing what it WAAAS 

Ken: O___O DIE?! 

Farf: And now they can't stop singing it forever just because this is the song that never EEENNNDSSS *BREAATHE* @__x; 

Yohji: I have a question. 

Schu: Shoot. 

Yohji: Where's Aya? 

Schu: …I'm not sure. 

Crawford: He's over there, looting Sakki's dead body. 

Sakki: *DEAD!* 

Crawford: …Aya, get away from her. 

Aya: :3 

Yohji: O_O;;; That's not healthy. 

Ken: o-o Aya? Why are you grinning like that? 

Aya: I found the scri~ipt… 

All: …FJDKLSJFLSDJFKLSJFF GIVE IT TO ME 

Aya: NO. *stands up* It's MY turn to narrate, you bastards! And I'm going to narrate whether you give a @$^% or not! 

Schu: Not if I have anything to say about it. *POUNCE* 

(And thus the vicious Schu-mon LEAPS upon his prey, the lonesome Ayachu…) 

Aya: -_- *dodge* 

Schu: *SPLAT* 

Omi: …ewwwww... 

Nagi: Gross. I got Schuldich brains all over me. 

Aya: :3 Now then. What did she have planned for today…? 

Crawford: I'm almost afraid to find out. 

Aya: So am I. Hey, it looks like we're doing Sailor Moon again. 

All: FJKDSJFKAJKLGJLDKSJAD WHAT 

Aya: Just make a change here….a change there…make Schu in a leotard… 

Schu: WASN'T I EMBARRASSED ENOUGH *LAST* CHAPTER?! 

Aya: I still need to get back at you for the flower scene. 

Schu: BUT THAT WAS FARF'S IDEA 

Aya: Your point? 

Schu: ….________! 

Aya: Anyway. Because I hate you all equally, I'm picking your parts. Crawford, get in the miniskirt. 

Crawford:  No. 

Schu: *NOSEBLEED* 

Aya: Do it. 

Crawford: I have superiority. 

Aya: I have a sword. 

Crawford: I have a gun. 

Aya: I have a paintbrush. 

Crawford: I have a banana-flavored pillow. 

Yohji: …what the hell. 

Schu: Hey, could somebody scoop my intestines back into my stomach? 

Omi: O_O NOO 

Nagi: -_- Moron. *FLING!* 

Schu: Ow. 

Aya: SHI-NE 

Crawford: SHI-NE 

Aya: RAR 

Crawford: RARAR 

Aya: O___O…*EATS CRAWFORD* 

Crawford: *EATEN* 

Aya: :3 

All: O__O 

Aya: Now submit, bitches. 

Yohji: … 

Schu: Those are three words I would never have expected to hear him say in public. 

Nagi: Yeah, I thought he'd only say that to Ken. 

Ken: O_O?! 

Aya: *EATS NAGI* 

Nagi: __ Spit me out. 

Aya: ._. *spits out* 

Nagi: Disgusting. 

Aya: Anyway. If any of you piss me off again, I'm going to eat you. Got it? 

All: Yes SIR. 

Farf: :3 eating people hurts god 

Aya: _ 

Farf: …-_x; Eating people REALLY hurts God. 

Aya: Alright. Schu, you're playing Sailor Mars. 

Schu: -____- 

Aya: You've got a slightly longer skirt. Be thankful. 

Schu: …For WHAT? 

Aya: I don't know. Figure it out. Omi, you're Mercury. 

Omi: Is it because I like computers? 

Aya: -___- NO. It's because you're a freaking DITZ and OPTIMIST, my God-cursed NEMESISES in LIFE. 

Omi: O_O… 

Aya: Yes, it's because you like computers. Moron. Ken, you're Jupiter. 

Ken: …I won't ask why. 

Aya: Good boy. Yohji, since you're such a slut, you're Venus. 

Yohji: :D She turns me on. 

Aya: We'll see how well you turn yourself on in that miniskirt. 

Yohji: …_@ 

Aya: Anyway. Who's left? Farf and Nagi…I ate Crawford. That's 8. Nagi, you're that stupid mask guy, and Farf is Sailor Moon. 

Nagi: …I'm Farf's lover and future husband? 

Farf: That really hurts God. *STABCHAIR* 

Aya: Yes, Nagi. You are. Now get in the tux. 

Nagi: -__-; 

Aya: And now we begin. *ahem* One day the schoolgirls were walking to school. 

Ken: p_q I don't like this miniskirt. 

Farf: *I* like it on you. 

Ken: o_o… 

Schu: XD I get to go to a private school with longer skirts. SEE YA! *zoom* 

Yohji: Bastard. 

Omi: o_o This computer is too small. I can't see anything. *squint* … 

Ken: *tugonskirt* This thing keeps riding up on me. 

All: … 

Aya: …*nosebleed* 

Ken: O_O; 

Aya: _!! *rubs nose* ANYWAY. Then, out of nowhere, a MONSTER APPEARED! 

Takatori: And so I was saying – 

Aya: O___O SHI-NE 

Yohji: *SMACK* 

Aya: ___!...right. Go kill the monster. 

Crawford: *DIGESTED!* 

Farf: Ok. MOON  POWER MAKEUP SHIZNAT CRAP STUFF! 

Omi: DITTO! 

Farf: ___ 

Omi: …p_q BLUE MAKEUPY CRAP!  

Yohji: SEXY TURN-ON MAKEUP GIRLS WEAR! 

Ken: …uh… GREEN…POWER STUFF? 

Aya: -_-; 

Ken: OH RIGHT. *achoo* EARTH POWER INEDIBLE TOXIC FACE CRAP!! 

Schu: FLAMETHROWER!! 

Aya: And to think, I didn't help with that. 

Farf: I AM SAILOR GODHURTERFROMHELL! YOU SHALL NOW DIE BECAUSE IT HURTS GOD! *POINT* 

Omi: O_O 

Farf: …*KICK* 

Omi: @___x;; I AM SAILOR COMPUTERGENIUSHACKERFOO. I SHALL…HELP DESTROY YOU. 

Yohji: ^_~ I am SAILOR SEXY! I'LL TURN YOU ON AND YOUR GROIN SHALL EXPLODE! 

All: O_O 

Yohji: What? I am SO that sexy. 

Aya: -___- 

Ken: I'M…SAILOR…OO! RIGHT! SAILOR SPORTINGGOODS! IF YOU DON'T BUY FROM ME, I'LL BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH A MONKEY! 

Farf: A monkey…from HELL?! 

Ken: O_O…I don't know? 

Farf: Good boy. 

Schu: I AM SAILOR REALLYSUPERHOT! I WINK, YOU DIE! 

Aya: Really. 

Schu: *WINK* 

Girl: *DIES* 

Aya: …o_o; Really. 

Schu: :D 

Aya: -_-; So the Sailor Stupids flew off somehow to destroy the evil monster who had gone twenty blocks by the time they were done transforming and introducing themselves. 

Schu: Wait. Sailor Stupids? 

Aya: You are. 

Schu: GOD. I hate you SO DAMN MUCH. 

Aya: Good. They finally encountered the monster, the evil Takatoria. 

Yohji: My, aren't we creative today. 

Aya: Why don't I castrate you? 

Yohji: O_O I'll be good 

Aya: For once, you're smart. The evil Takatoria left his car and ATTACKED. 

Takatori: I need money. Hey, you girls – boys? – girls? – boys? – oh, who cares. Kids, get over here. I'll let you sleep with me if you pay me twenty thousand yen each! 

All: *GIRLYSCREAM* 

Takatori: :D 

Farf: O____x THAT REALLY HURTS GOD 

Takatori: Say, some of you look familiar. Oh well. C'mon! It's cheap! 

Schu: Get it AWAYY~! 

Yohji: You get it away! 

Omi: I feel victimized! 

Ken: RAPE!! RAAAAPPPEEE!! 

Aya: Suddenly, a daisy ripped through Takatoria's stupid moustache. 

Takatori: OW! What was that? A daisy? Hm, kinda pretty. I think I'll keep it. I wonder where Crawford is…he always has extra pockets. 

Crawford: *TRAVELS THROUGH AYA'S INTESTINES!* 

Aya: And thus appeared the amazing…Catsuit Nagi. 

Nagi: -_- I think I would have preferred the tux. 

Omi: O____O 

Schu: …WOW. I like the fishnet pantyhose, Nagi. 

Nagi: _ Shut up, Schuldich. 

Aya: Yes. Catsuit Nagi, dressed not in a catsuit, but in one of those skimpy outfits with cat ears and a tail, appeared with daisies in his mouth to stop the evil Takatoria from taking advantage of the poor girls. 

All: BOYS 

Aya: You look like girls. 

Schu: It was your idea. 

Aya: Hn. 

Takatori: NO! Now I'll have to reduce myself to drastic measures to knock them out! *PULL OFF SHIRT* 

Schu: O______O *FAINT* 

Yohji: O__O…GROSSSSSS EWWW GET IT AWAAAY~ 

Ken: OHMYGOD THAT'S HORRIBLY TERRIBLY DISGUSTINGLY – Ooo, look! A butterfly! 

Omi: MY EYEESSSS! MY VIRGIN EYES! 

Nagi: You're not a virgin, Omi. 

Omi: Huh? 

Nagi: Remember? Back in December…? 

Omi: …oh…yeah…right… 

All: … 

Omi: …o_o; I was drunk? 

All: … 

Omi: ...I was…lonely? 

Aya: …god, I hate you. 

Omi: ;-;   
Aya: Anyway…they lost control of two Stupids, but the remaining two and Catsuit Nagi took on Takatoria. 

Nagi: GET HIM BEFORE HE TAKES OFF HIS PANTS! 

Farf: YIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYI~ 

Omi: SUPER WINGED GENKI DARTS OF DEATH! 

Aya: You used that last time. 

Omi: ;-;… 

Aya: Use a new attack, bitch. 

Omi: O_O…p_q HOMING MISSLE FLYING ARROW DART-LIKE THINGS FROM THE PLANET X! 

Aya: Better. 

Nagi: DAISIES! 

Farf: *MAUL!* 

Takatori: NOOO I AM DEAD 

Aya: …it's like something out of Romeo and Juliet. 

Nagi: Is it dead? 

Omi: I sure hope so. 

Farf: I'll make sure. *STAB* 

Takatori: *VANISH!* 

Aya: And so they defeated the evil Takatoria. 

All: YAY! 

Aya: And that's the end. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to use the bathroom. *leaves* 

*moments later* 

Crawford: I hate you. 

Aya: …WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY – oh. Right. I ate you, didn't I. 

Crawford: Yes, you did. So I expect some manner of payment. 

Aya: … 

Crawford: Take off your pants and your shirt. 

Aya: SHI-NE 

Crawford: *TACKLE* 

Bathroom door: *SHUTS* 

All: DAMMIT 

Omi: p_q 

Nagi: *comfort* 

Yohji: …so is Farf gonna do another explosion or something? 

Farf: No. But I will do this. 

Schu: *unconscious* 

Yohji: Ok, do it. *sits on Schu* 

Farf: *grabs Ken* 

Ken: O_O?! 

Farf: *PASSIONATE KISS!* 

Ken: @___________________@ 

Yohji: O___O 

Schu: x___x 

Farf: And now I screw him. 

Ken: @__________________________@ 

Aya: HOLY DAVID 

Crawford: D 

~FIN~ 

Dammit, if this doesn't work right, I'm going to kill something. 

Sorry it was so short. But I felt like updating. 

And does anybody know how Sanosuke is properly pronounced?! 


	19. Escaweissne: ZELLY wrote this!

Weiss does Escaflowne.

Or;

How just about everyone gets laid. 

By Zelly, because Sakki let her.

Dislclaimer: ..go.. away..

Zelly: *hums delightfully, writing on a piece of paper*

Weiss boys: *do nothing*

Zelly: *clears throat* 'Kay guys, time for another fairy tale!

Weiss boys: *GROAN*

Zelly: *pulls out a little remote control with a large button on it that says Mary-Sue and presses it*

Yohji: YAY, ZELLY'S HERE!

Omi: ^______^ Hi!

Schu: *wink!*

Nagi: *looks bashful*

Brad: *nods in greeting*

Ken: *blushes* Hey.

Aya: *suppresses a smile*

Farf: …I am unaffected by your silly toy.

Ken: ..Huh?

Zelly: Nothing, darling. Farf, you can have the day off. 

Farf: …why.

Zelly: Because you're been working so hard lately.

Farf: …...

Schu: D: just go

Nagi and Omi: YEAH!  Go kill someone else's girlfriend!

Farf: ….:D ok! Cancun, here I come! *leaves*

Zelly: Very good. Now my casting is ideal. Today we do ESCAFLOWNE.

Omi: …*SQUEAL* I love Escaflowne!

Zelly: Of course you do. You're Hitomi!

Omi: o-o…. ^________________________^

Zelly: Ken, you're Van. …Because of.. reasons. (Seiyuu, anyone?)

Ken: :D! Ok!

Zelly: Allen will be…

Yohji: *crosses fingers*

Zelly: Aya.

Yohji and Aya: WHAT

Zelly: Because, Yohji, you're DRYDEN.

Yohji: ..Oh. :D

Aya: I'm lost.

Brad: What, are we (meaning Schwarz) not in this one?

Zelly: Impatient, are we? You're Folken-sama.

Brad: …………O_O

Zelly: *drools* Show me those black wings and I'll buy you a new Armani suit.

Schu: …*_* and I'll have hot hot post-fairy tale sex with you.

Brad: ……..

Zelly: Good job, retard. Now he isn't going to-

Brad: *EXPLODES WINGS FROM BACK*

Zelly and Schu: *X-TREME JOY*

Brad: *makes them go away* Right then, you two better keep your word.

Schu: ;-; this is the best day of my life.

(Side note: I love Brad/Schu more than I love cute baby puppies and kitties. Which is a lot)

Zelly: Actually, probably not.

Schu: …NO! You have cast me as MILLERNA! Not only does she have bad hair, but she is a lady!

Yohji: *snort*

Schu: Watch it. I'm engaged to you.

Yohji: ..O_O

Zelly: ..Indeed. Thanks for reading my mind.

Schu: Anytime. ……Hey, that's.. pretty perverted. ……….That too. Damn, I wish I had thought of that.

Zelly: ..ok stop.

Nagi: Hi.

Zelly: …^-^ Hi.

Nagi: Do I get the day off, too.

Zelly: No, you're Dilandau.

Nagi: …..

Zelly: ……..

Nagi: Do I get a gundam.

Zelly: …….yes

Nagi: Ok.

Zelly: Great. Oh wait. I NEED HEL, TOT AND SCHOEN

Said Schreient ladies: *square dance in the room!*

Nagi: I mean guymelef.

Tot: O_O? Nagi-kun?

Nagi: I was .. *stops*

Zelly: I know, dear.

*Silence*

Zelly: Anyway, Tot, you're Merle.

Tot: …VAN-SAMA! *grabs Ken!*

Zelly: I knew she'd be perfect. Hel, Schoen, you're Naria and Eyria.

Hel: Which is which?

Zelly: I don't know, does it matter?  Either way, you're slutty cat-girls.

Hel: ..oh, ok.

Zelly: Well then, let's begin!

*PILLARS OF LIGHT!!! Take good guys to Austuria (haha, Schu's a good guy) and bad guys to a Zaibach Floating Fortress*

*Austuria*

Omi: ^-^!! *flaunts school girl uniform*

Ken: *big crazy nosebleed* You look... nice today, Hitomi.

Omi: …eh? *blush* T-thank you, Van.

Ken: ^_^;..

Aya: *does nothing*

Yohji: *nudge* Aren't you going to say anything?

Aya: No, why would I?

Yohji: ..nevermind.

Tot: VAN-SAMA! *runs in and HURLS herself at Ken*

Ken: O__O Merle! What's wrong?

Tot: :3 Nothing.

Ken: …..

Omi: ~_~.

Schu: *runs in* ^____^ Allen!

Aya: ..Hi.

Schu: *flips his now wavy hair* Come, Allen, let's go for a walk.

Aya: ..uh..

Yohji: *cough*

Schu: What? I'm not married to you yet. Why don't you go play with that mermaid or something?

Yohji: *leans in*..really?

Schu: Yes.

Yohji: *leaves*

Schu: ^___^! Good. Now, Allen, let's …o-o Allen?

Aya: *grabs Ken by the shirt and drags him off* I'm sorry, Princess, but I have to help Van with his sword fighting.

Ken: What? But I.. ok.

Schu: …*sigh* This bites. Merle, let's go trip some of my father's advisors or something.

Tot: Yay! *leaves with Schu*

Omi: …*SIGH* I don't belong here. I wish I could GO HOME. *flops head in hands*

*Aw, how sad. Well, let's go see Zaibach. :D!!*

Hel: Oh.. Folken-ama… 3!!

Schoen: Tee-hee! 3!

Brad: :D…. *fawned all over by Hel and Schoen*

Nagi: -_-..

Brad: Ah, Dilandau. You're not your usual psychotic self today. Something wrong?

Nagi: ….I'm bored.

Brad: Hm… how about you /go away/ then and hunt Van or something?

Hel: Yeah, go hunt Van!

Schoen: You're not doing anything useful just staying here!

Nagi: Oh, and I suppose YOU are?

Schoen: :3 Yes, I am.

Brad: D: Dilandau, you're being rude. I think you should just leave.

Nagi: ~_~ Fine. But I think I should go get that cute bo-… I mean, bitch from the Mystic Moon instead. 

Brad: Whatever, just go!

Nagi: *sneers, DILANDAU-LIKE (*drool*), then leaves*

Brad: :D Good. Now, ladies-

Nagi: Wait. *runs back in*

Brad: _ WHAT.

Girls: …………….D:……..

Nagi: …where's my gundam.

Brad: It's called a guymelef and go ask one of your bitches.

Nagi: …I have bitches?

Brad: …I mean Dragonslayers.

Nagi: Oh. …….*leaves*

Brad: Finally. :D Now girls, I have something to show you.

Hel: Show us, Folken-sama!

Schoen: We want to know if we really are lucky!

Brad: ……..

Schoen: …what?

Brad: …You doubt me?

Hel: ………Oh, oh, Folken-sama! *cling* She didn't mean it like /that/!

Schoen: Well, I- ……No, I didn't at all! Please, show us!

Brad: ….:D ok! *pulls out a remote and points it to the big view screen thing*

Takatori: *appears on screen* Ho!

Brad: O________O Taka- …. Dornkirk-sama?!

Takatori: Ho!

Hel: …uh.. Folken-sama..

Schoen: If this is a bad time…

Brad: Ahaha, ignore him, girls. *presses a different button and the screen spins to around to reveal a SWINGIN' LOVE DEN complete with heart shaped bed and disco lights.*

Hel: Eeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Schoen: *_* Oh, Folken-sama!

Brad: ;D You ain't seen nothing yet.

Schoen: ……

Brad: ….why do you keep doubting me.

Schoen: Well, I've heard rumors.

Hel: _…

Brad: What?! From who?

Schoen: Let's see. Zelly-

Hel: GOD, Schoen! I'm so damn tired of just sleeping with you! Can't we just have one man? Just this once?

Schoen: /Tired/ of me?! If was your fucking idea in the first place! *mockingly* 'Oh, I can't have Masafumi, so I want you instead because you've slept with him too!'

Brad: *Naughty thoughts, NAUGHTY THOUGHTS*

Hel: Oh... Schoen... it's been… so hard… *starts to cry*

Schoen: Oh, baby, don't cry. *holds her* I didn't mean it, really. You know I love you.

Hel: *sobs into her chest* I'm sorry, too…

Zelly: *appears* Alright guys, I love lesbian porn too, *hides yaoi doujinshi (Saitou/Sano ;D) behind her back* but can we get… slightly more back on character?

Schoen: Hel, you going to make it?

Hel: *sigh* Yes, I'll be ok. *wipes her faces*

Schoen: ^_^ Good.

Brad: ………. *covers his crotch*

Zelly: Ahaha. Looks like someone's already ready to go!

Brad: _X..

Zelly: ;D!  Oh, and Schoen.

Schoen: O_O?

Zelly: I was drunk when you asked me about him and I thought you mean the real Folken *shudders*. Brad's /fine/ in the sack. *wink*

Brad: :D!

Girls: Hurrah! *POUNCE*

Zelly: Ah, happy ending. My work here is done. *vanish*

*Back to Austuria*

Ken: Hyaaa! *CHARGES AT AYA*

Aya: *blocks and pushes him back* You still don't charge aggressively enough, Van!

Ken: …T_T I'm never going to get this right.

Aya: ….. *walks over behind Ken and puts his arms around him to position Ken's hands on his sword (... you savvy?)* Here, hold it like this, and try drawing it like this. *moves sword to demonstrate*

Ken: *attempts not to blush* O-okay. Let's try again.

Aya: *lets him go and walks to where he head been, sword ready*

Ken: *CHARGE!!*

Aya: -_- *blo- Holy shit, wait! Ken is too strong!* O_O *falls down, with Ken on top of him*

Ken: Oh.. um.. I.. uh..

Aya: You're supposed to call me Allen. 

Ken: ….*doesn't get it (say what he said before out loud)* Oh, oops.

Aya: ……….

Ken: …….*leans in*

Aya: …*closes his eyes*

Ken *JUST before impact* Wait. Zelly hates Allen/Van.

Aya: She doesn't mind RanKen anymore.

Ken: Oh. Ok then. *resumes position*

*We're going back to Zaibach. Go read Amor Fictus, you horny bitches!*

Nagi: Hmmm… *walks down the hall, sword resting on his shoulder because I find that SO HOT* Where are my-

Sakki: (Yes, she's here) *runs in, bows* Dilandau-sama, we have the Alseides ready for you!

Nagi: Hmmm… and which one are you.

Sakki: Chesta, sir! (But she looks more like Dalet .)

Nagi: *inspects*

Sakki: …o-o.. Dilandau-sama..

Nagi: . What.

Sakki: *flinch!* The Alseides..

Nagi: …and what's that again.

Sakki: Your guymelef, sir.

Nagi: ……………………………….

Sakki: … (Gundam)

Nagi: Oh. Which way do I go.

Sakki: *point*

Nagi: …thank you. *starts that way, but turns back*

Sakki: …o-o;;..

Nagi: *SLAP*

Sakki: *THROWN across the hall*

Nagi: ^___^  You have no idea how wonderful that makes me feel. *leaves*

Sakki: …..p_q now I owe Zelly 5 bucks. 

*Let's go back to Austuria. NOW.*

Omi: *SIGH* I think I'll go watch Van and Allen spare. *walks downstairs and opens the door to the courtyard* ….O_______O

Ken: *now on bottom, half-hiding behind a bush* Ahhh.. … Aya…

Aya: *panting* Call me… Allen.. (You can CALL ME AL!!)

Ken: Aaahhhhhh.. aaa.. ALLEN!!

Omi: O_____________________________________________O

Schu: *comes up behind him* ..O_O woah. *watches for a second* Wow. *turns to Omi* Guess everyone hates you now.

Omi: ;-;!!! No!!

Schu: Yup.

Omi: *SOBS AND RUNS AWAY*

Schu: :D Good.

Tot: ^___^ Millerna-hime! *comes up behind him*

Schu: Oh, hey Merle.

Tot: *looks* …..O_O Van-sama is having the pervert play with Allen. (*cough* MIWAKO *cough*)

Ken: *sudden, on cue, and very loud moan*

Schu: You're quite right.

Tot: ……*looks at Schu* Should /we/ do it, too?

Schu: ….*stare* O_O

Tot: O_O…

Schu: ..yeah, ok. This dress is killing me anyway. *pick her up, slings her over his shoulder and walks off*

Ken: *still make a lot of noise*

Aya: *grunt* Ken..

Ken: ..Haaha

Aya: ..shut up. 

*Let's cut the scene now. That's enough yaoi for YOU, missy.*

Nagi: *sits in the Alseides.* ….I wonder how to work this…

Sojiro: *waves arms* ^____^ Press the button on your left, Dilandau-sama!

Nagi: …oh great. Another one. Which one are you.

Sojiro: Gatti, sir! ^___^!

Nagi: ……

Sojiro: ^___^!

Nagi: ..*presses button and leaves* Creepy little bitch..

*Dooooo~oooooo!!*

Omi: *runs through the forest(????), crying*

Nagi: *crashes into a tree* X-x ouch, stupid gundam.

Omi: O_O *stops and looks* …..*gasp!!* A Zaibach guymelef! ;-; and no one to protect me.

Nagi: *pries open the door with  his mind and stumbles out* ……

Omi: …O_O

Nagi: ..Hi.

Omi: *bursts into tears again* NAGI-KUN!!!

Nagi: You're not supposed to-

Omi: *GRABS and sobs into his chest*

Nagi: …call me that. *puts his arms around him* What's wrong, Omi-kun?

Omi: *sniff* Everyone hates me.

Nagi: I don't hate you.

Omi: Really?

Nagi: Yes.

Omi: ^____^! I l- OOOF!

Nagi: *has discovered how easy it is to put his hand up Omi's skirt* o_o… hmmm… Aren't you supposed to wear underwear with this?

Omi: *squeaks* Am I?

Nagi: Yeah. Doesn't matter now.

Omi: O_O…….:D….

*END. Well, kinda. Did I not say everyone would get laid?*

….

*Several hours later…*

Tot:*bounces in* ^_________________^…

Schu: *stumbles out behind, looking completely exhausted* X___x…

Schoen: *walks in, holding hands with Hel* Tot! Let's go home!

Brad: *also wanders in, looking dead* x-x..

Tot: O_O… ^_^! Bai-bai, Schu-bunny! *kisses him on the forehead and leaves*

Schoen and Hel: *giggle and blow kisses to Brad* Bye, Crawford ;D!

Schu: x-x..

Brad: x-x..

Both: *fall asleep standing up and leaning on each other* (So much for post-fairy tale sex.)

Ken: *walks by, rubbing his ass*

Aya: *follows, looking irritated*

Yohji: *walks and flops on a couch, smoking and looking content* ^_^ Asuka..

Omi: *drags Nagi in, talking his ear off* So then I said- ..ne, Nagi, are you listening?

Nagi: *yawns* Mmmhmm..

Farf: *comes back wearing a tropical shirt and a bloody seashell necklace (You wouldn't BELIEVE how many little kids he had to kill for that)* I'm BACK!!

Crickets: *chirp in the silence*

Farf: u.u I can't leave you along for a day and you're all abandonded your God-hurting missions.

Brad: *wakes* I think I hurt God… …hehehehheheheheeeehhe..

Farf: O_O Do tell.

Brad: *snerk* uh-uh. *falls back asleep*

Farf: __.

Dilandau (The REAL one): *FALLS from the sky and lands on Yohji*

Yohji: **O.O** *leans over, holing his crotch*

Dilandau: *sneer* Out of my way! *kicks him off the couch and stands* Hey! Fuckers! Where am I?

Farf: …….*stares*

*Fallling in love music plays. You know. DO DOOO.. DO DO DO DO DO DOooooo…*

Farf: *eyes turn into hearts* I…

Dilandau: …..O___O…  *starts to step back*

Farf: …Don't go! *chase!*

Dilandau: *SCREAMS and runs away*

Zelly: *walks in and inspects* Hmm.. yes.. This has been a well-deserved almost-orgy for you all. Are you SATISFIED?

All: YES!

Yohji: *high pitched* Dilandau fell on me!

Zelly: O______O Which way did he go

Yohji: *point*

Zelly: *RUNS THAT WAY*

Yohji: ;-; what about me?

Omi: Everyone hates you, Yohji.

Yohji: ;-;!!

All: *laugh like the end of a corny 80's cartoon*

-FIN-

Author's Note: NO, I AM NOT WRITING ANOTHER ONE RIGHT AFTER THIS ONE. Maybe later. I know you love me, but make sure in your reviews to tell Terra you love HER TOO because she's trying to dump the story on me permanently. AND WE DON'T WANT THAT!

P.S. If you don't review, the terrorists win. 


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